Team WussPerv: The Tour by WutherBites

Team Wussperv, this team is made up of myself, Emmy aka Pippapear, Jess aka Jessypt, Kim aka Kimpy0464, Kitty aka booboo.kitty2.0

& Trin aka TFX or NaughtySparkle.

I'm sure you're wondering what the fuck a wussperv is, right? A wussperv is someone that is...

A) Tragically canon

B) Loathes angst (when in massive doses)

C) Loves smut

D) Needs a Happy-Ever-After

We love to read new fluffy recc’s. :) Please feel free to let us know your favourite WussPerv friendly fic. It might be Team WussPervs next recc!

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The Team WussPerv Pick is...


Title: The Tour
Author: WutheringBites
Chapters: 17
Words: 47,266
Reviews: 663
Summary: Bored tour guide Bella Swan is weary of dealing with the rich & obnoxious. That is, until Edward Cullen appears, nutty family in tow, to end her stupor. Can he charm Bella into breaking the rules while dealing with crazies in ten countries? E/B WIP AH

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Emmy - Got the February Blues? Sick of Winter? Sick of being broke and wish you could travel round Europe? Well lament no more. Thanks to the wonder of fan-fic, you can travel round Europe without EVER having to leave your computer screen. What a delight eh? ;) Fancy drinking Ouzo and dancing in Greece? Want to meander around Italian cities and countryside? Or eating hot and sizzling German sausage? Yup this fic has it all!

The Tour features a world weary luxury-tour-guide Bella, fighting against the fatigue she feels not just for her job but for life in general. Enter stage right, Edward. Edward Cullen, the late tour member, late to join his family and the most life-changing trip of his well-traveled life. Wow. The chemistry between this Bella and Edward is OFF THE CHARTS! INTENSE. As well as battling intense sexual feelings, these two are battling the pull of one another as people, as individuals. Bella’s position as his luxury tour guide means she cannot make a play for him. But these two ‘click’ in a HUGE way. So they try and be friends, and their feelings intensify and sky-rocket from there.... **fans self**.

I could tell you about their dalliances on a moonlit beach in Greece, or their intense fully-clothed shower. Or the most intense Waltz in Vienna you will ever read. All of which is foreplay for these two and the most intense of teasing for us readers. But I won’t. I will let you read each salacious, tantalizing and steamy detail for yourself... You WILL thank me for it later! I promise!

So you all know by know I am a major Edward whore, indisputably! So this Edward? He is so damn cute and oh-so fit! He’s a total sweetie and a knight in shining armor. He’s a good boy with smooth moves and baaaaaaaaad skills! Plus he has a little something-something that makes me fall even harder for him... Hubba-hubba! Can I also say that since reading this I have found a new appreciation and love for Chai Tea? Why yes I have. There are a few key and crazy intense scenes that have led to this. **bites fist** Just you wait till you read them! Emmy is dead from all the tension and unnnnfffffyworthyness contained in just one cup of Edward’s chai!

As this is a WussPerv recc, I am sure you gals (&guy?) are wanting to know about the angst to fluff ratio? Well, at no point during thic fic did I have palpitations or panics about what was to happen. There is lots of tension - but all very palatable to a WussPerv. The story has lots of plot and development, but there is no unnecessary angst or cheating or heart breaking. Instead this hunky Edward and likable and sound Bella are determined to do right by each other and their future and aim to take things slow and rationally - but certain other individuals throw spanners in their works as a simple holiday tour turns into so much more for all concerned!!

One of the things that I love about this story is the wee side shoot of Rose and her twat-bucket of a boyfriend Royce, who has finally consented to Rose and him joining one of Bella’s tours. I love seeing Bella’s friend Emmett’s interest in Rose and how he attempts to pursue her. In addition from this interesting character development and sideline, the supporting cast are brilliant. They compliment Bella and Edward beautifully and inject extra humor and situation comedy to the story. A rag-tag group, including love-sick co-dependent newly weds; plastic fantastic trophy-wife Tanya, Gangster Aro and his heinous bitch of a spoilt off-spring (Jane), and the lovely Cullens (complete with their own secrets) and their family friends, Jasper and his (mad) Nana, Maria. Perfect! (& hilarious!)

I am not going to quote you any of the funny or sexy quotes from The Tour, as I think my fellow WussPerv’s have already quoted me out! ;) But do know there are numerous examples of just how funny, sweet and sexy this fic is. If you are looking for some sexy escapism, with a fluffy heart - then this is the fic for you. Relax, enjoy and get swept around Europe with a dreamy Edward and a likable Bella in the sexual tension filled The Tour.

Jess - I started reading The Tour when it was well underway and really enjoyed it. This story is light and fun and full of USTy goodness.

Bella is a tour guide for a luxury tour company, and she is gearing up for yet another tour. She’s bored, and while she loves history and culture, after countless groups, it’s become old hat. Cue the Cullen family’s entrance on the scene. Well, the Cullens minus Edward. As in canon, they are warm and kind, unlike most of the other primadonna guests (I’ll come back to them later) on the tour. Edward arrives just in the nick of time.

We first meet Edward as he’s running late to join the tour. This will give you a hint about Bella’s internal banter (which keeps up through the entire story) as well as glimpse of what she sees when he gets to her welcome table.

I still stared. I don't know what was wrong with me. Had I finally lost it? Had Jane cast an evil spell on me? I paused in my self-analysis as he brought his hand to his head, my eyes following his movements. He removed his hat to reveal the most beautiful head of squished bronze hair I'd ever seen. It wasn't similar to either Carlisle's or Esme's, but closer to his mother's caramel with a bit of penny copper thrown in for luster. He ran his hand through it and I thought I saw the action in slow motion, the strands separating and waving and falling. I really needed to bitchslap myself out of this lust coma. I am Bella, hear me roar! I did not so easily succumb to the charms of men. I was my own person and men were candy! Ok, I'd never thought that but maybe I had to now. Candy was tempting and tasty….no, no! Bad Bella. I willed myself to focus, and somehow managed to retrieve his key and packet, sliding them across the desk in his general direction. I felt a sense of relief as my motions brought me out of my trance enough to look away. I was ok. It was a momentary lapse, nothing serious.

Unwisely, I trusted myself to glance back as I caught another motion. Edward…ok no, he (can't slip up now), was removing his sunglasses. It was brutally slow, but not on purpose. An earpiece got caught in his hair, and his arm rose to disentangle it, wretchedly obscuring my view. Finally, the glasses were freed, the arm lowered, the eyes unveiled.

They were green.

Just... yeah. As the story progresses, we find out what he’s arrived alone, separate from the rest of his family, and late. And let me just say this... he smells like chai and warmth. Kill me now.

There are several things I really like about this story. First, WutheringBites incorporates so much realism in this story. I felt like I was back on tour in Europe as she tells stories and talks about the history, art, and culture of each place on the tour. I actually felt like I was on tour with the group. Very fun. The other thing I really enjoyed were the fun characterizations of the secondary and tertiary characters. Here’s just a sample of a few of them:

Jasper and Nana (aka Maria):

“He was quite handsome, fairly rugged with wavy strawberry blonde hair and a tall, wiry frame. He was completely overshadowed by the woman however. She appeared to be at least seventy, but approached confidently with a bit of a swagger. It was not her demeanor however that caught my attention, or that of the entire hotel staff in the lobby; she was wearing a pink cowboy hat, pink cowboy boots, an orange poncho, and fanny pack…buckled over the poncho.”

Aro (aka Arsenio McFee) and Jane:

Cocky “mob boss” who is arrogant and treats Bella like a second class citizen. Even better, is his spoiled, rich daughter, Jane. “‘Yes, this is my daughter. If she wants something, give it to her.’ I looked over at Jane whose previously set expression of contempt split into a grin so evil that I felt sure a few of my organs melted a little.”

Garrett & Kate Sherbotsky:

desperately trying to conceive and taking an assload of crazy vitamins.

Emmett is a riot as well. He plays the role of Bella’s friend and bus driver. His sense of humor is unparalleled, and he says some of the craziest stuff I’ve read in fic. Absolutely love him.

And a whole host of other characters that will keep you laughing and guessing. Watching them all interact and play was comical and reminded me of the many tours I’ve been on.

So, you know about the characters and you know about the tour, but what about all the USTy goodness I mentioned above? Well, Bella is bound by a non-fraternization policy, and she and Edward have undeniable chemistry.

I wanted her, very, very badly, and I had one month to do something to attract her. I knew that she liked me already or she wouldn't have made plans for tomorrow, but I wasn't arrogant enough to believe that it was more than just amusement or distraction from her job. One month.

"Are you attracted to me?"

Dear God, I was the lamest person on earth. I thought I'd spoken in a sort of breathy whisper, but no matter what, he would realize that I was pathetic and leave. I didn't want him to leave. Very, very badly. He continued to stare for such a long time.

"Intensely." His whisper matched my own.

Oh. I wasn't wrong and that scared the crap out of me. My lips opened to form more words and this motion broke his gaze. It shifted to my mouth and stayed fixed for another interminable period. I followed suit without my own consent, trying so very hard to turn away. There was some forward shifting happening somehow.

I didn't wait until he looked up, launching myself at him until we ran into the wall. My lips did their mugging thing, and he mugged me back like a New York professional. The chai flavor lingering in our mouths made everything seem spicier. He spun me around to press his body against mine, all the way, and I loved the strength of his muscles as they pushed against me.

One of his hands was woven through my hair, and he tilted my face so he could suck along my jaw.

And there’s plenty more where that came from... until they finally do it. And thank God they do, because I was about to die from the anticipation!

He entered me with the only slow movement we could handle. It was not relief or explosion or any sort of comfort at all. It was more fire and wildness and craze. I cried out something as he settled completely inside my body, and it was all true. All of me was his, and there was no going back.

My straining limbs clasped him to me, trying to impossibly draw more of him inside. I gasped in air before returning to quench my fire within his mouth, and the last shred of restraint I felt coiled within him was banished.

He moved with abandon. I clawed his back, his sides, as I gripped everything and nothing. There was nothing stable to ground us. He moved faster, thrusting and rolling his hips and driving me into complete insanity. A hand captured mine, fingers entwining, and he brought them both to rest above my head. It was contact we both needed, and I mimicked his actions with my other hand, joining us, weaving us together as he plunged harder and faster, turning me into molten lava.

Ciggie anyone? Seriously, this is a fun, easy read, and you’ll love the buildup and the climax ::cough:: is just as intensely delicious. I can’t wait for the next update!!

Kim - Oh, Wusspervs, have we got some fun and games in store for you with our lovely gem of a rec this month, The Tour! Having both lived, and traveled, in Europe, I was a tad wary about how well the subject matter would be handled. I needn’t have worried one bit-- WutheringBites
handles the subject matter with finesse beautiful authenticity. I’ve been having so much fun with this story, because it combines all my favorite elements of Europe and the travel industry along with the characters I love so well. And oh, WutheringBites’s incarnations of Edward and Bella are so much fun to read! Smoldering hot, fun, full of the UST I love so much. Her version of Esme and Carlisle, and all the Cullens, really, were just delightful. Jasper’s Nana made me giggle out loud with her zany nuttiness.

I think my favorite part of the story was that the locale was almost one of the characters in the story. No mere backdrop here, it played an active role. It enhanced the love, the sex, the fire and passion. I mean, when you have Edward sexing up Bella, how could go wrong with the European scenery? It’s like a wardrobe accessory here. The fact that Edward and Bella’s romance is forbidden because of an anti-fraternization policy only made everything so much more intense. I was twisted into bundles the entire time. GAH!

Now, the last thing I’m going to leave you with is the smoking hot lemons that WutheringBites
crafts up. Okay, so I’m a total h00r for hot, tension-filled moments that culminate in lemons that put the “citric” in “citric acid.” My other WPs have detailed so many amazing moments from this story, but don’t just take our word for it--go check them out for yourselves. I mean, really, what better enticements do you need? UST, Europe, Edward and Bella, an amazing, funny, delightful supporting cast? *points finger* Go forth, and read, my little Wusspervs.

Kitty - I gotta say my kittens, this little gem is Wussperviness incarnate. WutheringBites paints such a glorious picture of the tourist sights that I almost fee like I’m there in the tour group with the added bonus of watching Edward and Bella fall head over heels with each other, like when they are in the Venus Grotto at Linderhof Palace and Edward describes it as “grotesquely beautiful” making Bella see the beauty in it she’d never really seen before...

"There is great beauty here," I said, wondering if he heard the bewilderment in my voice.

"Yes, there is. Now." I heard him say this even though it was spoken in a near whisper.

The green, shifting shades according to the light, reminded me of Edward's eyes and I couldn't stop myself from returning to my original object of observation. I was not prepared to find him staring at me very intently. He didn't even bother to look away after the requisite three second period when embarrassment usually sets in. The softly waving water caused his eyes to gleam, brighter than usual.

I needed to leave this place. It was a terrible mistake to bring Edward here. I had no idea why I hadn't remembered that it was so romantic, possibly because it never had been before. Instead of acting on my instinct to dash away, I remained fixed where I stood. Thoughts flashed like lightning through my mind, settling on the persistent conviction to clarify what exactly was going on between us. After only one day, there was a definite "something". Had it really been such a short time? My mouth spoke words before I realized that I even thought them.

"Are you attracted to me?"

Dear God, I was the lamest person on earth. I thought I'd spoken in a sort of breathy whisper, but no matter what, he would realize that I was pathetic and leave. I didn't want him to leave. Very, very badly. He continued to stare for such a long time.

"Intensely." His whisper matched my own.

GAH! I love it when Edward stares and gets all whispery, it makes me all stupid in the head. Of course right then Bella’s phone rings and I wanted to reach through the computer screen and strangle Emmett for calling her. He can be such a butthead. Which brings me to another aspect of the story I love so much...Emmett. Pain in the ass, butthead that he may be, I freaking love him. His lingo is freaking hilarious and I found myself cackling on the regular whenever he would pop in with his words of wisdom...

I was left alone with Emmett then, but he was still a little glazed over.

"Hey Em. Caught in an estrogen web again?"

"Huh?"

"Idiot."

"Yeah."

"Do you want to fuck my friend?"

"Huh? Wait, what? No! I mean, kinda, but no!"

*SNORT* Seriously! That cracks my ass up.

Now, I’m the first to admit that the interruptions when Bella and Edward are getting hot and heavy drive me to want to put my fist through the screen, but truly, I love it because it makes the moment the finally DO get to gettin with the hot sexy times all the hotter and the sexier.

He was all over me and gripped one of my thighs roughly to settle around his hip. I hoped the walls were made of thick stone, because I cried out loudly when he drew the peak of one breast into his mouth. I allowed that thought to escape in order to stop myself from unraveling right then. Too soon. Much too soon.

My arms and mouth must have been too insistent to ignore, as he abruptly returned his lips to mine and his hands to my thighs, lifting me to straddle his waist. I wasn't sure if his former blazing words had set me up to feel this threatened consumption, but it was definitely there now. I burned, and I wanted it. It spread like venom, and I craved the singe of it against my heart. I did not mind that I was completely at his mercy and that all his words were true. I knew he burned in equal measure.

As if in response to my unspoken desire, he gripped me harder and used one hand to strip a stocking off slowly, stroking every inch of newly exposed flesh until it was gone and my shoe with it. Then the other, even more slowly. He could feel the slick between my thighs against his stomach, and I paused my rabid sucking of his flesh to risk one glance into his eyes.

He was fire, licking flames and need that erased everything else. I had never felt so desired. No one ever had as much as he did, and I had to prove that this too was give and take, because I wanted him as much as he wanted me. I wanted his flesh in me.

He turned us quickly, his gaze not breaking from mine, and I felt the post of the enormous bed dig into my back. I unwound my arms and reached up to grip it, needing to feel something stable for just a moment. The feasting resumed until I was reduced to a gasping, greedy thing as my thighs involuntarily clasped his body to an almost painful degree. The sudden friction almost undid me.

It certainly had an effect on him. He ravaged my mouth, groaning, and ground against me. I let go of the post and purposefully fell backwards onto the bed, my thighs forcing him to follow. He crashed on top of me and quickly brought us fully into the middle. His hands returned but only to tease as he hooked his thumbs under my silk panties, drawing them down as I made it easy to be rid of the unwanted scrap.

His wicked mouth dragged itself down my body, pausing to enjoy my breast once more before heading to more uncharted territory. Swirling around my stomach and sides, he swept ever lower. I didn't know if I wanted this yet or not, because I needed him inside me when I came. I had no say in the matter, and I screamed his name again as his tongue slid languidly over me. He groaned and settled more fully into the bed as he gripped my thrashing hips and held me to him.

"God, you taste amazing," he muttered.

GAHHHHHHH!!! I could really go hog wild and quote eleventy billion quotes of the hot, yummy sexytimes, but then you’d have nothing to read, now would you? Trust, my little wusspervlings, you will LOVE LOVE LOVE this! There is laughter, adventure, pretty mental images and just happy good times all around. Like I said before, this is fluffy, happy, make you swoony, wussperviness to the core.

Run, wusspervlings, run your little wusspervy selves to The Tour and read your little eyeballs out!

Trin - The thermostat is reading 78 degrees outside today and after finishing The Tour it has me itching to run off for a European vacation.

The sweet delicious UST-y goodness of this story had made swooning so hard.

As the closing strains of the waltz sounded, Edward dragged me away from the center towards a secluded alcove under the staircase. There was no area that afforded true privacy, but at least this was away from most prying eyes. Now, my reluctance to be seen stemmed from a singular desire to keep Edward to myself, to allow us to progress as we wished with no interference.

He looked at me, his eyes sweeping my body in appreciation. I still didn't know what to say to him. I felt like a giddy teenager.
He leaned forward and brushed his nose along my cheek, stopping when his lips reached my ear.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," he whispered.
I let out a breathy laugh. He must be far gone to think that, but it made me happy nonetheless.
Hmm. Far gone. Was he really?
I dared to speak. "Are you drunk?"
"Only on you." He smiled against my cheek.
I couldn't laugh now. I leaned further into him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I would blow up the sun to get him to kiss me now. I could feel that his mind was on the same track.
He skated his lips along my jaw, towards my goal.
Kiss me, kiss me… I chanted to myself, desperate for this step in our dance.
His lips were inches away, millimeters really. My heart beat so hard that I could swear it would explode out of my chest with a few more breaths.
My phone rang.
We simultaneously sighed with remorse and anger.

This story was the perfect mix of fluff, laughter, unfity-unf, well developed characters and beautiful imagery of Europe. I guarantee your tender little hearts will love this story and have you ready to pack your bags today.