Thursday, November 3, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy 11-3-11

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questionson sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you nameit. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. IfNaughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to beincomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

We’ll begin this week with some reader feedback, since last week’s anniversary post trumped this feature. Apparently, The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker struck a note with several readers:
I'd like to comment on the girl who met her online boyfriend and it made her skin crawl - good that you tried first! You would never have known other wise, since it's also the other way around! I met my boyfriend online first, and in real life after (a whole continent away) and I've never felt more comfortable with anyone. Although I was really nervous about not feeling comfortable or getting that instinctive 'flight' response, none of that happened. I believe instinct doesn't only protect us but also knows what's best for us :)
I just wanted to say thank you for recommending the book by Gavin de Becker. There has been once in my life I did not listen to that voice/shiver/feeling and paid dearly for it. But on the other hand there have been several times where I have listened to it and each time I am convinced it saved me. Not all were situations involving people. One situation involved horses, young teens and the back country. I had a feeling roll up my spine and while I could I got the kids closest to me safe before the trouble began. I am sure it helped me avert disaster. The next time I managed to get my friend and I help because that voice gave me that split second of forewarning before we were attacked. It is sad that in todays society we seem to teach women "Don't get raped" rather then teach people "Don't rape" But as women who are so often programmed to dismiss our bodies we need to honour this part that keeps us safe. I also want to recommend de Becker’s book "Protecting the Gift" to parents out there.
Thank you, ladies, for sharing your thoughts and experiences with all of us, even when it isn’t always positive.

Love the new topic directory and your continued sensitivity and honesty regarding all things sexual. Thank you!I need some fic-related advice. I read a one-shot yesterday in which an older Dr. Gynoward had unprotected sex with a recently deflowered, barely legal Bella in his office, waiting until he was on the brink of coming before even asking if she was taking the pill (she wasn't) and then pulling out. I cringed at the thought of avid young readers seeing this and assuming that it's an effective method of birth control since Edward is an OB/GYN, so he should know, right? It reminded me of the old question: "What do you call people who use the withdrawal method?" The answer of course being "Parents." I know we all love lemons in our fics but this kind of misinformation just makes me furious. What to do?
*Naughty Nurse Kimpy steps up to her soapbox* As a nurse who teaches sexuality education, Kimpy gets very, very, upset and disappointed when fictional characters don’t practice safe sex. If a writer includes a caveat about that in an author’s note, that’s one thing. When they flout it altogether, it gets her pretty wound up. So what’s a girl to do? Remember these steps and use them in real life, no matter WHAT a fic might tell you:
  1. Always practice safe sex. Use condoms and back up methods of birth control to avoid STIs and unintended pregnancy.
  2. The condoms and back up birth control methods should be in place BEFORE any naughty bits comingle. Remember, you can get STIs from oral and anal contact, too, so use condoms and/or dental dams as needed. This means you actually have to talk to your partner about STIs and birth control before you engage in any sexual act. If you’re too embarrassed to have this conversation, or to procure your own methods of birth control, then you might not be genuinely ready to have sex.
  3. For an OB/GYN to have sex with a patient is: A) Illegal, and B) Unethical. Apart from that, for a gynecologist to suggest using the withdrawal method to a younger woman of childbearing age flies in the face of everything these docs learn in medical school and in their practice. As you so beautifully described it, this “method” of birth control is really just a one-way ticket to parenthood.

All that being said, Naughty Nurse Kimpy asks that you read fics carefully, and understand that it’s called fiction for a reason--we’re not really supposed to emulate fictional characters’ sexual practices. *Naughty Nurse Kimpy steps down from her soapbox*
I was reading one of your old posts on threesomes and you were telling us that everyone should get tested for STIs regardless of whether or not it is anyone's first time. Why would it be necessary to get tested if you've never had sex?
The reason we suggest that individuals get tested for STIs before engaging in a threesome is so that everyone involved can be assured that they’re all clean from the start. You see, it’s pretty easy to tell someone that you’re clean, even when you’re not. The only way to be absolutely sure is for each of you to be tested and to see the actual test results. Now, Naughty Nurse Kimpy isn’t trying to suggest that everyone out there is lying about their sexual histories, but being in a threesome requires even more trust than does being with one partner, because there are multiple people involved. It’s always best to err on the side of caution. Please remember that once you’ve had unsafe sex, you can’t undo it.
Hey Kimpy! So, I have a problem. I've been living in a dorm for a while now, and now that my life is devoid of privacy, masturbation isn't possible. I went from 4+ orgasms a week to about 1 every couple of months. Which is....distressing. So. I was wondering if there is such thing as a silent vibrator? Like, genuinely silent?
Okay, so Naughty Nurse Kimpy admits to going out to do some field research on this very *ahem* important topic. I was recently visiting a friend in Canada, and she brought me to this AMAZING store called Venus Envy. It’s an award-winning sex shop, and suffice it to say, if Naughty Nurse Kimpy was reincarnated as a sex shop, she would be Venus Envy. If you ever needed a good excuse to become a Canadian citizen, this could be it. Just saying. For my Canadian readers, they have locations in Ottawa, Calgary, and Halifax, and they even offer special workshops(!!). They built it, so therefore, YOU MUST GO. In fact, Naughty Nurse Kimpy has considered doing an annual pilgrimage to Venus Envy, she loved it so much. *cue NNK squee here*
One of Venus Envy’s goals is to provide education, so I queried these awesome ladies on their best bets for really, really, uber-quiet vibrators. Their top recommendation is the Lelo Liv, which is virtually silent. In fact, they said any of the Lelo vibes are a great choice, except for one thing--they’re very, very pricey. If cost isn’t an issue, then this is the model for you. As a student, however, I’m going to venture a guess that you don’t have $100+ to spend on a vibe, so they gave me some other suggestions. They explained that the softer the covering over the vibrator is (i.e., the type of silicone used), the more silent it will be. A more cost effective model would be any of the Tantus Little Secret series. The previous hyperlink is for the Little Secret “Tease” model, but there are plenty of others to choose from, and all at the nice price of $29.95, Canadian. If on your search for the perfect, dorm-safe vibe you find just the right thing, please be sure to let me know so I can share it with my readers and we can all reap the benefits of your research.

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.Photobucket


Anonymous said...


I would also recommend your reader who needs a vibrator with ninja skills to check out The website is extremely user friendly, the variety is staggering and every product has reviews and ratings on how safe the product is for the body, how powerful the vibrations are, and how quiet (or loud) the product is. Can't beat it for customer satisfaction!

Sirenetta said...

Dear NNK,

as you say, Lelo's products don't come cheap, but they're worth every cent. I bought another one of their vibrators, Mona, a couple of years ago, and even though it took a while to get used to it (I'd used a more hands-on approach, so to speak, for a long time), I don't regret buying it for a second. And they're not only silent, but also rather aesthetically pleasing. Personally I'd be a bit turned off by having a sparkly, pink dolphin blaring away like a 747 between my legs (and yes, I've seen one. Not to mention a dildo that, when placed on the floor, almost reached my knee and had a girth very nearly the size of my thigh. If I ever see something like that coming towards me, real or plastic, I'll run screaming in the other direction, that's for sure).

Anonymous said...

Hey NNK! Thank you so much for searching for an answer to my question on quiet vibrators! You're seriously amazing. I must try one of these and get back to you on results! Thank you!