Thursday, June 16, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!


The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

As always, I have a few great comments from readers that I want to share with you...because I have the best readers in the world. Thank you to everyone for reading, sharing, and appreciating my silliness.

I would like to comment on the girl who has pain during doggy-style intercourse. I am 40 and experienced the same thing. At first I thought it was because my period had just ended and my body was ready to start ovulating again. I realized that it had been happening for several months so I went to the doctor and found out I have Pelvic Congestion Syndrome. The doctor said I have a prominent vein in my pelvic region and sometimes it causes pain during intercourse. Evidently this particular disorder affects about 30% of women.

Good to know. Thanks for sharing!

Hi there, my question was the one on pain during sex in the doggy-style position. I followed your advice and asked my doctor about it. She did a pelvic exam and determined that my uterus is unusually positioned, apparently it's tilted backwards, and that is probably the reason for the pain. It's not harmful and everything in there still works fine, it's just a physical anomaly with my body. So, I talked to my boyfriend about not going as hard/as deep. He was all, "My dick is so big that it can cause injury" gloaty about it, but after he got over the annoying male ego trip he was really great and I haven't ever had to ask again. So we're back to both enjoying the position. Yahoo! Thanks for the great advice. You rock.

If there is one thing Naughty Nurse Kimpy loves, it’s a story with a happy ending. Thank you so much for sharing your solution with us; I’m so glad you got it all figgered out. I’m not surprised by your boyfriend’s response, but let him gloat. It’s a supreme moment in a guy’s life when he finds out his dick is so big it can cause injury. Just saying. *giggle*

I just wanted to quickly weigh in on the whole weird smelling/tasting vag issue. It incensed me to read so many questions from girls who have been made to feel insecure about their vaginas. For people who are unfortunate enough to have been with assholes like that, I want to reassure them that there are plenty of men out there who enjoy the taste and smell of a vagina and give oral sex with great enthusiasm. I know this because I'm marrying one. If your man makes you feel bad or self-conscious about your vag, kick him to the curb because there are plenty of pussy-licking fish in the sea. Real men go down!

Word. Naughty Nurse Kimpy couldn't have said it better herself!

Are Asian women tighter than others?

Let Naughty Nurse Kimpy be clear here: There is no cultural stronghold on vaginal tightness. It varies from person to person and depends a great deal on the number of children a woman has given birth to. Let any rumors to the contrary be put to rest.

I'm interested in buying some wipes to keep clean "down there" but am not sure which is safe and/or going to get the job done. I work more hours in a day then I do being at home and when I'm out I still wanna feel clean, kwim? Do you have any recommendations? Is this a totally bad idea- like you informed me douching is?

Naughty Nurse Kimpy did get a little wound up about leaving your cooter alone when it comes to douching, but there is a big difference between douching and using wipes to freshen up. Douching causes a change in the vaginal environment, because it rinses away the vagina's natural lubrication. Wipes, on the other hand, are only used externally, so they won't upset that delicate natural pH balance your cooter likes to maintain.

That being said, if you choose to use freshening wipes, it is best to use something that is gentle and mild, because vaginal tissues are more sensitive than the rest of your skin. You might need to try out several brands or types before you find the one that works for you. In general, I would avoid heavily perfumed options, because they are more likely to irritate your vaginal mucosa. Here are a few suggestions:

Naughty Nurse Kimpy relies upon Cottonelle Fresh Moist Wipes. These are win because they are both gentle and flushable. They also come in small packages that you can easily stash in a purse or backpack.

Always brand sells wipes specifically designed for use in the vaginal area, Always Feminine Wipes. These are also flushable and safe for use in septic systems. They also have an option of individually-packaged wipes that are easy to pack and go if you're out and about.

Another option is to use baby wipes, but choose a sensitive skin formulation to ensure it is gentle enough on your lady bits. Most baby wipes aren't flushable, however, so keep that in mind if you decide to choose that option.

A lot of fics have couples fall asleep "still joined" and then wake up the same way. Now lets pretend that neither of them rolls over, would this be possible?

Oh, I am *so* glad you asked this question, because it is one of my Naughty Nurse Kimpy bugaboos. While it may have happened once in the last 2000 years or so, in general, when a penis is no longer erect, it cannot magically stay in the vagina post-sex. When one of the partners moves, the peen slides out, and that’s all there is to it, no matter how badly you want to stay joined for the entire night. To answer your question in one word: NO.

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