Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!


The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

RE: Post-coital glow and guys being able to tell when their girl has an orgasm. During my first pregnancy, I took up kegel exercises. Now, having had two kids (which does some serious damage to your girly bits) I've personally noticed a difference in overall 'tightness' and the hubs has mentioned that when I cum, he can feel the muscles clamp down harder. I've also noticed a difference in the power of my orgasm, depending on how 'worked up' I am. It can be a small short burst, or long hard and drawn out. I definitely subscribe to the answer that everyone is different, so no one should feel weird if their partner can't feel their orgasm. If your guy is paying enough attention, I think most women have a 'tell' (I know that I personally tend to get much more *ahem* verbal, when I am close.) Just gotta add that I love love love this little 'advice column'. There are so many women who are too embarassed to speak up and ask the tough questions, and having this extra source seems to be helping people get some much needed answers! :)

Once again, I love it when readers leave follow up or suggestions for one another. It's the best way to get plenty of feedback. Thank you for sharing. Ladies, DO YOUR KEGELS. Trust. So. Worth. It.

This isn't so much a question as a help for the girl with the missing period (sounds like a Scooby-Doo episode to me, actually). I had the same problem last year. I got my period in January, but didn't get it February, March OR April. I honestly didn't think much of it after Feb, because I'd never been too regular before then, and then I had so much school work and scholarship/college stuff to do that I honestly didn't realize that I didn't get it in March. After April, however, I noticed I was still Flo free, and it was worrying me, because I knew that was not normal (same as the girl in question, I was a virgin--still am--so pregnancy wasn't a viable option), so I called my gyno, and she ran some tests, and found out that my ovaries weren't producing progesterone like the should be. She ordered an ultrasound for me, and I found out a had a large cyst on my right ovary (she compared the sizes as the egg-sized cyst to the walnut-sized ovary, which freaked me out to no end) as the likely culprit. She thought I may have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), so she put me on birth control as a way to regulate my hormones and force the progesterone to formulate, in hopes that my cyst would dissipate on its own. I'm glad to say that, since then, I am cyst free and getting my monthly visit from Aunt Flo (the sneaky harlot) as I should be! I'm not on BC anymore, but I haven't had any problems with my lady bits since then. This girl should talk to her gyno about the missing Flo, and ask about getting some birth control to regulate her hormones. It worked for me!

You know, I hadn't considered PCOS, because it doesn't tend to come on all at once like that, but you offer up some really great advice; thank you for sharing your personal experience!

I also have to add that you had me gigglesnorting over Scooby Doo mysteries and the Sneaky Harlot Aunt Flo. Laughter is such good stuff. Thank you for that. It's just another sign that I have the best readers in the world. And the funniest.

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, and we have decided on waiting until marriage for sex. However we still have sexual urges and I have been wanting to give him a 'blow job' for a while now. I'm just way to nervous to actually do it, I'm so worried I wont do it right... Is there any hints and tips you could give me so i can calm my nerves and satisfy my man?

You've come to the right place, bb. I have some very specific help for you, which is referenced below. However, I want to emphasize that when it comes to sex, our brains can be our own worst enemy. If you worry about doing something wrong, there's a good chance that you will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Before you try anything new, be gentle to yourself. We aren't born with a road map of how to have great sex; it's something we learn along the way, through experience, as is much of what happens in life. Allow yourself the leeway to make mistakes, because you'll learn from them. Communicate with your boyfriend, and ask him to give you advice on what went well and what did not. Don't let your feelings get hurt--remember, this is all about getting better at something. Kind of like riding a bike--it simply takes practice.

Back in December, my fellow Pervs helped me out with all their tips for giving a great beej. How do you give a mind-blowing blowjob? The answers are all right there, I assure you. Study up and enjoy.

Dear Naughty Nurse, my boyfriend asks for a bj now and again, and we have always used a condom. But, recently, he has asked that we try it without. Does spunk really have a specific taste, becuse I just dont want to be suprised and gag while he is still in my mouth.

All right, I’m going to be completely honest with you, and I want you to understand that this is coming from my perspective and my own personal opinion.

Spunk does have a specific taste, and it isn’t like nectar of the gods. Every guy’s spunk has a different taste. It’s always kind of bitter and salty, but it’s not something that most women would drink as a beverage on a daily basis. Some women truly love it, but they are in the minority.

That being said, I’m a swallower, and I always have been. For me, it has nothing to do with the taste, and everything to do with the guy. It’s a sign of how much I care--like the sexual version of “when you care enough to send the very best.” It’s my way of telling a guy how much he means to me. It’s a huge gesture, and every guy I’ve been with is touched when I do swallow. My trick is that I just swallow it down as quickly as possible, and then it’s over. You can even ask your boyfriend to finish in the back of your mouth, so it’s easier to swallow without tasting it.

Now, just because I do it, that doesn’t mean it’s the norm, and that I think everyone should do it. You have to make the choice that’s best for you. If you simply cannot stomach the idea, then it’s better not to try. In my opinion, it’s worse to try swallowing and then gag/throw up than it is to not swallow in the first place.

Here’s a good way to test out whether or not you want to try swallowing--try a condom-free beej, but ask him to come somewhere else, like on your stomach, or into a washcloth. When he does, take a small sample taste. If that’s enough to make you gag/throw up, then swallowing probably isn’t your calling in life. If you can handle it, then you can probably handle swallowing.

I will end with the caveat that I’m assuming you’ve both been tested for all the STIs, and that you’re both clean. Remember that you can get chlamydia, gonorrhea, HPV, and herpes from unprotected oral sex. If you haven’t been tested, please do so before you try things out without a condom. It will make Naughty Nurse Kimpy sleep more soundly at night. Thank you.

I just wanted to ask about the normal, healthy appearance of a female nipple. I asked this because I noticed that around my nipple on my areola, there are tiny projections that also gets hard whenever I'm cold. I think it's harmless enough because there aren't any secretions. From (some) porn that I've managed to find, I think the areola is supposed to be a smooth area. Can you help me? Thank you!

When fanfiction or porn cause women to question whether or not they're normal, or even okay, it makes Naughty Nurse Kimpy want to go just a little bit rageball. There is a HUGE range of what is considered normal, and it kills me that you would even question whether or not you're okay based upon the things you've seen and read. There is an incredible website devoted to showing non-sexualized images of real women's breasts. Please take a moment to review this website, because it is very reassuring that you are absolutely, positively normal.

For the record, when nipples and areolae are exposed to cold, or when they react to touch, nipples harden, and small bumps arise on the surface of the areolae. It's like the breast's version of goosebumps. It's the skin's natural reaction to stimulation. So the fact that you have the exact same reaction just tells me that you are absolutely, positively, 100% with the range of normal limits. Welcome to the club, baby!

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