Friday, July 10, 2009

Confessions of a Nanny by Melissa228

This week's Perv Pack Recommendation is...

Title: "Confessions of a Nanny"
Author: melissa228
Chapters: 8
Words: 38,711
Reviews: 2025
Summary: Bella Swan accepts a job as a nanny for single father, Dr. Edward Cullen. Living under the same roof and Bella's seduction plans, leads these two into a whirlwind of pleasure and excitement. AH/Mature

Guest Reviewer - Tonya / ilsuocantante

When asked if I would be the guest reviewer for Confessions of a Nanny by Melissa228 my first thought was SQUEEEEE! and my second was wait… really, me?! Double squee! I am flattered to be asked and I hope I can do it, and the fabulous Mel, justice.

I can’t even remember how I heard about Confessions of a Nanny, but I’m guessing I saw the little blinky gif somewhere along the way as I shamelessly stalked Bri and OnlyYouWard on the forum. I sneered at the crocs, but Mel’s name caught my eye. I’d loved her writing in Return to Sender (if you have not read, run do not walk) and the title sounded interesting. And by interesting, let’s say, for hypothetical purposes, that the first porn I ever saw happened to have a daddy/babysitter premise. And for the sake of argument, let’s assume that I maybe really liked that particular fantasy.

*ahem* But I digress…

So, I read the first chapter. The prologue. And dear lord in heaven. The image of her gripping his shirt with her wet, sudsy rubber gloves is forever stuck in my mind. I’m not sure what deviant part of my brain is turned on my household cleaning products, but it made me hot. I cannot wait until Mel takes us back to this scene.

The prologue alone had me well and truly hooked, but it only got better from there. We learn that Bella is an exhausted college student, working toward her teaching degree by day and busting her ass bartending to pay the bills by night. She shares an apartment with her two best friends, Alice and Rosalie. (but of course.) Through Alice, she learns a local single father is looking for a full time, live-in nanny to care for his young daughter. Jumping at the chance to make life a little bit easier on herself, Bella allows Alice to set up an appointment for her to meet Dr. Cullen for an interview. She, like me (and I’m pretty sure everyone else who is reading) was stunned into slack-jawed silence by the sight of the man we affectionately refer to as Dilfward. So stunned, in fact, that the good doctor is concerned that she is not feeling well.

“Are you alright? You look a little pale and you seemed to be…salivating…a lot,” he said concerned.

This was the first, of many, hilarious instances that made me laugh out loud. *sigh* Laughter through cumsplosion… my favorite emotion.

And Doctor Fuckhot… don’t even get me started. He is an adorably attentive father to his little girl, obviously smart as hell as he is a surgeon, and wealthy enough to afford a high-rise penthouse in Chicago. But, Mel took this outwardly straight laced guy and gave him a hidden badass persona. HE HAS A TATTOO, YOU GUYS. A hot as fuck tattoo. DEAR. GOD. I am pretty sure I fell out of my chair when she revealed that tidbit.

My heart is still pounding.

Dilfward is undeniably hot, but he is not just a pretty face. There is a wealth of pain behind those gorgeous green eyes, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to grab him by the lapels and assuage that pain. With my tongue. But I’ll be a good sport and let Bella do it for me. As I know she will.

Mel has done an amazing job of formulating a realistic plot out of something that could easily have been a clich├ęd take on a pretty run of the mill fantasy. She has created characters with heart and a depth that is compelling, and weaves together UST and humor seamlessly. I find myself squirming in my chair one minute and falling out of it the next - seriously, do not mention Delilah and the cunumber to me unless you want me laughing so hard I’m crying.

There are already so many reasons to fall in love with the Nanny and Dr. Dilfward, and it’s only 7 chapters in. I could not be more excited to see what Mel has in store for these guys! I know whatever it is, it will be hot and sweet, and well worth all the agonizing UST that I constantly tell her is killing me. In a good way. The delicious way in which a fuckhot doctor with tattoos and a love of motorcycles and a little bit of a broken heart might kill you...


Now The Pack:

Bri- I'm totally the lucky bitch in this whole ordeal. Why you ask? Well, mostly because I know all the secrets about CoaN. I remember when Mel concocted this awesome piece of literary genius. I get to see all the chapters before everyone else. Oh, and I've seen the outline so I know how this bad boy turns out. *grin*

Alright, alright...enough teasing. So, CoaN officially pwns me. I love the comedy that Mel interweaves with her writing - there hasn't been one chapter where I haven't laughed my ass off at least once (penis pancake anyone? and believe it or not, she wanted to take that part out!!). On top of awesome hilarity, we get somefuckhot UST . If there's one thing I like just as much as down and dirty fucking, it's the promise that there can't be any...I like to be strung along. ;)

And, don't even get me started on DILFward. Alright, do get me started. I mean, can this man be any hotter? He's an awesome daddy to a 4yo little girl (he does her fucking hair forjeebus' sake!), he is a doctor (HELLO scrubs?!?!), he has a fucking tattoo down his side (omfg), he's an older, more mature Edward, so I'm pretty sure he knows his way around the bedroom and he's playing hard to get. Rawrr.

Along with the rest of you, I am anxiously awaiting the time when Edward's peen can replace Bella's rabbit-o-goodness (or cunumber....) and they can fuck like animals. Until that time, this baby gets a 4.5/5 because mama likes her smexin'.

Emily- Why did I wait so long to start reading this piece of hotness? The prologue hints at so much to come and who knew yellow dish gloves could be so sexy. I really like Melissa's Bella and herrelationship with Alice and Rose. I also really wish I could see Bella in her sexy boots, patent leather miniskirt and pink bloomers as she tends bar. Bella the Bartender transforms into Bella the Nanny for the hottest Dr Daddy in existence.

DILFward is the stuff of fantasies. A doting daddy with a hot tattoo (I want to lick it right fucking now), a motorcycle, a professional kitchen and a hot tub with a view. His relationship with his daughter is sweet and genuine. Who does not love an Edward who tries to help his 4 year old put a shirt back on Barbie and her huge boobies. This is the same four year old that tells her daddy that Bella has toys in her room and needs to share. Some toys are not meant for children and Bella and her rabbit are outed to her new hot boss the day she moves in.

The hot tub scene, sexually explicit dreams, Edward the Voyeur, the electric touches between E&B all add up for some red hotUST. If the UST is any indication of what the sex will be like once they finally get together it is going to be explosive. 4.5/5 for me and I reserve the right to change that to a 5/5 once they finally fuck.

Emmy- I first read Melissa's fab writing with her epic & heartfelt Return To Sender that thankfully Hopey turned me onto... Confessions is nothing like the RTS - I always love when an author can do a complete u-turn in their writing and showcase another side of their excellent talent.. It is not any less wonderful for being completely different! - it is still very very good. I loved it from the prologue.. I was smitten from the prologue... & quite flustered as soon as he sauntered in and made his appearance!

What I like aside from the (VoyeurWard - much much more on him later!) is Mel's Bella. I liked her from the get go.. That is not a common occurrence. I particularly liked how she is not pathetic - she needs guidance and support but is attempting to make her own way.. I adore her inner dialogue from when she first meets Edward.. When shesee's her new home & charge and adjusts to her new life and circumstances... including living with the personification of a love god..and how she manages to cope with it all. I think what I liked about Mel's Bella the most though, is when (with a prod in the right direction) she takes control of her feelings about herself - quite literally.. Not realising the deliciousconsequences of her actions..

So this brings me on to
DaddyDo-It-YourselfWard. Dear god - I just want to spread him on some hovis and devour... Repeatedly! What's hottest scene: The jacuzzi scene? The tattoo? The bike? The VoyeurWard. The Self-love....? But he's also a cutie - he's lovely with his daughter who is obviously his number one priority, misses being in a relationship and is crying out for companionship - but its not going to be easy for him to trust again or accept that having a relationship with a nanny is a good thing/smart move..

The UST in this story is off the scale... OFF THE SCALE as in scorchio, searing, ouchy that really burns HOT... I cannot wait for more realization of both their fantasies.... more confessions from them both.. I love this story lots & lots & lots.. The characters are great, the writing is tight & superb &DaddyDo-It-YourselfWard is near the top of the hotWard's pack... I cannot wait for more...

Edited to add: Newest chapter ups the ante - really & truly! They both get soaking wet -(what do you think that leads to?) - so what now - what are the repercussions? GAH! 4.5 soaked (with soapy water) knickers out of 5.

Hope- When Melly told me she was doing a nanny story I was kinda all WTF? That was at the opposite end of the spectrum from Return to Sender as anything could be, but she knocked me on my ass with Confessions of a Nanny. Like Kathy, I'm so dying to get to the prologue, but enjoying the ride to get there.

If you didn't already know this, I am a fan of the UST (unresolved sexual tension) and boy does CoaN fucking deliver. From the prologue we are on the edge of our seat wondering if they will FINALLY do it, if they will finally fucking act on the electrifying tension that surrounds them. Hot tub scene anyone? Honestly, I'm loving the slow build to the actual sexin'. I think this is our first roundtable rec that doesn't have actual sexin' in it. So a milestone for Mel, she popped our cherry of sorts.

Along with the UST there is comedy aplenty. Who knew Melly was so fucking funny? Bella is hilarious in this, her inner thoughts (which are mostly dirty ones of Edward aka Daddy/DILFward) crack my ass up. The favorite example of the funny inner thoughts is this:

Isabella Marie Swan, 24, passed away suddenly after her employer and lover, Dr. Edward Fuckmehard Cullen M.D., placed his hard, high voltage cock into her vagina. The result was Isabella having immediate and multiple massive orgasms, followed by her head detaching from her body, flying out the window and landing in Lake Michigan.

Isabella’s remains could not be touched for several hours after the incident due to the nature of the electrical current and possible radio activity

There is also physical comedy in CoaN, sometimes Lucy like shenanigans are afoot and other times Edward & Bella both end up soaking fucking wet (multiple times as a matter of fact); Mickey Mouse pancakes that look like a penis on the first try, the adorable Delilah finding Bella's bunny and wanting a 'cunumer' oh her own, Bella breaking Edward's knob...on his toilet, and Bella dumping water on herself (she wearing white, btw) only to have Edward find her looking like she's a contestant in a wet t-shirt contest.

Now lets talk about Edward aka Daddyward, DILFward, Tattward, SmokinHottPieceOfAssward. srsly, he's all of those. Edward is a divorcee, his wife Tanya left him and their daughter after deciding that motherhood just wasn't for her. But don't hate her, if she hadn't of left Bella would never have been hired as the nanny. He's a doctor and took time off to be with his daughter, Delilah, who is about the cutest thing ever. He's a good father and is doing everything he can to make up for her mother leaving. When he was married he put away his youth of sorts, his wild side because he thought it was the proper or right thing to do.

Now that he's getting back into the swing of things lets just say his funny and kinda wild side is reemerging. He's tatted up and has a bike, which I am hoping we get to see at some point. *hinthintnudgenudge* Edward is a dirty perv himself, he spies Bella giving herself a hand with her bunny and can't help but take matters into his own hands as well. It comes (<--snicker) out later that he has been taking matters into his own hands the for quite sometime with Bella as the spank material. And dude the bottom lip licking makes mygirly bits quiver, just saying. It's obvious that there is something between these two, if only some fucking intense sexual vibes that make Bella practically incoherent and dripping wet whenever she is around Edward. Bella is shy or conflicted about wanting Edward, it's her fucking mission to get his disco stick for herself. Edward fights her advances (intentional andunintentional) at every turn. It's a roller coaster of a ride and I can't fucking wait to see where she takes it. 4 out a 5 from moi.

Who, that has read this story, is not anxiously and eagerly awaiting the arrival of the prologue?@!?!@? GOD, YES. I am ready to bribe Mel (because I know that bitchBri cannot be bought), and beg for some sneak peeks.

This story is funny in parts, sexy in parts, and just makes me smile. DILFward? Come on. Not only does he seem to be a great dad, but he's learning about himself and finding himself in ways we all wish we could. After he sits in the hot tub withNannyella in chapter 5, we learn about his tat and motorcycle, amping up the sexy factor. We also find out more about his ex, but it's just the tiniest sliver of information.

Chapter 6 & 7 are my favorites, because srsly?!@ Who doesn't love a self-pleasing Edward? I'm just sayin'. If you can resist that, I'm not sure we can be friends. Okay, I also liked the peek into Edward's past and previous marriage. Chapter 8 (or 7, depending on how you look at it) just posted Thursday evening. I think I woke my kid up laughing at “I broke your knob.” Then I laughed even harder at the scene with the broken knob, and all of the hysterical double entendres Mel threw in. It was all an evil plot, of course, to make up for how she ended the chapter. TheUST in this story is enough to drive a sane woman crazy. I wasn't even sane when I began reading, so you can imagine my current state... 4.5/5 panties, only because there's been noconsummation yet. YET. You saw that part, right Mel?

Nina- *thud* I'd like to give a big fuck off to my girl Bri who A) gets to read this mother first and B) who said there probably wouldn't be an update this week. Well fuck me sideways ladies, was there ever a fucking update.


Here's the thing with a story like CoaN. It could go one of two ways. It could be the Poison Ivy remake full of campiness, cheesy cliches and smut in the first 69 seconds, OR, you can have a realistic depiction of a man who has given up everything in his life for his child (after his rotten cocksucker,soulless, cunt of a wife left them). So for three years he's essentially suppressed all his desires, his wants, his needs everything for the sake of raising his daughter.

Enter the hot nanny. Again, Melissa could have gone the easy route and had Bella just be a obnoxious in her attempts at seduction but she's torn up about it too. She knows that she wants him, is prodded by her meddling (for her own good) friends but more than that she is realizing that she just doesn't want to nail the Dad but that she's got feelings for him.

They dance around each other in hilarious ways, the pecker pancakes, the masturbating (THE FUCKING MASTURBATING!), and last night with the knob? Mother of God. Wet Edward, sans boxers, in scrubs? Yes, please.

I am looking forward to seeing how their kiss will turn out, I have a feeling it's not going to be all sunshine and daisies but it'll just add to the tension that they're already feeling and who doesn't love that? 4/5

Steph- Dude, Mel, I am so there for 'ritas and brownies. We'll be in Crystal Lake in August. Just sayin'. (In other words, I may need to escape from the in-laws!!)

I love this Bella. I readily admit there are some Bella's I have a hard time liking, even though I love the story itself. Not so in this case. Sexy, confident bartender Bella turned Nanny with a mission. Her mission? To get that hot piece Dr.DILFward into her bed. She tries to be confident, but ends up being clumsy. She tries to exude sex-appeal but feels like she's failing.

Dr. Daddy?? Who doesn't love daddy Edward? He is a kick-ass father to little Delilah. And oh yeah, he has a tat and rides a bike. (Steph melts into puddle of goo.)

Tonight's update (chpt 7), oh Lord. Fair warning, don't drink while reading. “I broke your knob,” I blurted out.

I just know when we DO get to the smexin', it's gonna be damn HOT. The prologue gets me all wet and tingly in all the right places. I'm givin CoaN 4/5 panties, which will surely be a 5 once Edward throws Bella down and bangs her on the kitchen floor.

Stephie- I'm lmao right now at the idea of dilfward. I don't get around on the boards much anymore, and thus miss a lot of the new -wards. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. Well, that's not exactly true either. I mean, isn'tDilfward what it's all about? My monitor was THIS close to being sprayed with Mt.Dew. But where she ended it? Yeah. It's right up there with the whole giganto-dose of UST Mel's got going on. I just want to yell at these two to just go ahead and screw already. Ultimately, that's what makes the story so delicious, watching the teeter-tottering of them going back and forth. A little give, a little take. Edward, you can take me if you want. I'm easy that way. But yeah, he totally wants Bella so I guess I'm SOL.

There is something very sexy to me about a mature, dad Edward. Makes me wanna...procreate or something.

I really enjoyed reading this story (and am waiting for an update) because of all the different elements: snarky, confident, sexy Bella, slightly crazy but loving best friends Alice and Rose, one very sexy Doctorward who likes tats (I like tats too!) and has perhaps a slight problem with lurking at slightly open doors, and a sweet little girl by the name of Delilah who is the source of much hilarity.

There were times that I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. No lie. I don't want to give away what happened, just trust that you will crack up as well. Other times I'm screaming in my head "kiss, kiss, kiss" or something a little bit dirtier.

The UST keeps you on the edge of your seats. And seriously, I'm anxious for more to unravel as we get to learn more about Edward's past (including his bitchy ex, ugh) and how Bella plans on pushing Edward out of his comfort zone towards the sexy zone.

4/5 panties, hoping to be 5 once these two get down and dirty.

In addition to our Round Table Review above, we've also asked the author to share a bit about herself...

Well...well…well…lookie where I am. ::pinches myself::

I’m slightly geeked out and totally flattered to be asked here and have my little story reviewed by you lovely ladies. I was talking to Bri the other day and I told her when I was a new, lonely fanfic writer that I would peek into The Shack, only hoping one day I would write something that would be enjoyed enough to be featured here. Not to get all…'You like really LIKE ME!!' about it, but...well...glad you thought I was deserving.

I'm Melissa, but have been lovingly been coined Mel around these parts. I'm a thirty-two year old stay at home mom and live in Chicago. Been married to my uber understanding husband for almost six years and we have a four year old son. I'm goofy and clutzy and fully innocent looking on the outside with a filthy mind on the inside. I'm fully OCD with a organizing complex. I rarely don't get along with someone, but if I don't then they are usually an asshole anyways. I have an unhealthy obsession with Robert Pattinson. I dig Storm Troopers, cupcakes, Manhattan's and long walks on the beach.


How did I get here? Basically I was bored silly...out of my MIND bored...being a SAHM. It is definitely a wonderfully fulfilling path for some, but for me, I craved something more. As much as I wanted to go back to work, my little guy has special needs and my main job is to help him recover. So, I was boo-hooing to a friend last summer when she introduced me to the Twilight series. Like most of us, it slowly took over my life and after the disaster that (is known as Breaking Dawn) occurred, I was searching for more. In came Leiah/ScarlettLetters (Wild Swan) who told me I had to start reading Twilight Fan fiction. After some reservation, ( her words..I 'balked') I read Boycotts and Barflies and the rest is history.

With always having a strong passion for writing, I knew once I started reading that writing my own fic would soon follow. I was in the very early stages of putting together my first novel, when I decided to jump in and author my first fan fiction story.

My first fic, Return to Sender, was an angsty high school joy ride with a mentally ill Bella and lovestruck Edward. I loved writing it and when it ended, a teeny tiny piece of my heart went with it. When I was nearing the end of writing it, I knew that for my next project I wanted to take my writing in a completely new direction. I didn't want to write another angsty piece. I wanted something funny and sexy and totally different. While racking my mind for the perfect story line, Confessions of a Nanny was practically dropped in my lap.

I was out one night with my husband when we ran into an old friend who we heard was recently divorced. We meet his new girlfriend and when she excused herself to go to the ladies room, old friend informs us that new girlfriend is his nanny. Which led my husband to wonder...

"If you are out with the nanny, who is watching the kids?"

Old friend laughs and says, "I needed to hire a fucking babysitter so I could take out the nanny."

With that...CoaN was born.

I have been blown away by the supportive and enthusiastic response it has gotten so far. I'm excited because I know I have oodles planned for these two, lots of story to be told and tons of sexy times ahead to share with you all.

Thank you to the PPSS girls for letting me visit. When you are around my parts...not those parts, but Chicago...margaritas and brownies for all.


madame fictionator said...

<3 <3 <3 Mel!

Scarlett Letters said...

My little Mel is all growed up! I am so proud of her, and reading the wonderful reviews for CoaN only makes me all the more satisfied for my bullying the crap out of her to read her first fic. "Balk" is almost not strong enough, but I'm a better bully than she is at being obstinate.
To be able to watch her grow as a writer and see how being a part of this fandom has truly reinvigorated her RL is something I'll always cherish. No bullshit.
Bri's not the only one with the inside tip on CoaN and let me tell you, you ain't seen nutin' yet! Buckle up, ladies, shit's gonna get good!!
MWAH to you my sweet Melly!!

SEH said...

i fucking live for this story. i LOVE IT!!!!

misskittyj said...

I LOVE this favorite line ...
Andddddd…he’s going to need to change the hot tub water because I just gooed myself.

Let's just say wine came out of my nose. I cannot WAIT for the sexin'.

Mitzi McCoy said...

This fic left me screaming from laughter and panting from.... duh. Thanks for the rec!