Thursday, March 17, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!


The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

I was given this link by a friend of mine and thought since you have posted so many pro real women things I thought you might enjoy this: The Shape of a Mother

I am very pro real women, so I appreciate your sharing this website with me. In fact, I love it so much, I wanted to make sure that I could share it with all my readers. Let's face it--we're all real women, and very few of us look like anything they put in magazines or on TV. The more we can to do celebrate the real shape of women, and to embrace it as normal--because it is normal--the better. I'd love to help inspire body confidence within the fandom. Thank you so much for thinking of sharing this link with all of us!

I read where my G-spot is and found that 'patch' inside. However, you really have to curl your fingers to get up there. So is it a myth that a man can hit it during sex? Do men have magic curling peens that I just don't know about? Or are there any positions that one would need to be in in order to actually have him hit it during sex?

The G-spot isn't out there advertising it's locale--as you know from previous Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy posts, the G-spot is an elusive little bugger who only shows up once the party has already started. You can't even use Mapquest to find it for you! However, it is not a myth that it can be reached during sex. While I'm not sure about magic curling peens *kimpy makes mental note to research magic curling peens for future use*, there happen to be some positions that you can use to maximize peen impact on the G-spot. The most classic G-spot stimulating position is doggie style, but make sure that you don't bend forward onto your elbows--stay on all fours. My Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy Sex Lab Assistants (it's a tough job, but someone has to do it!) tell me that, after many experiments, they chose the top three G-spot extravaganza positions:

1. The Butterfly: Start missionary style, and have the female partner lift up her hips, while the guy gets on his knees. Bend the woman's legs at the hips, so her knees are near her shoulders. When the thrusting begins, the G-spot should be right where it needs to be, so to speak.

2. Spoon Sex: Have the male enter you from behind while you're spooning. The angle of the erection from this position is pointed straight for the G-spot. Your partner can also use your hips as leverage to either maximize thrusts, or reposition the hips in order to maximize thrusts. Yes, the operative word here is maximize thrusts.
3. Doggie-Style Variation: Lay down on your stomach, putting a pillow under your hips. Keeping your legs together, have your partner enter you from behind. In this position, he can once again use your hips for leverage, or you can reposition the pillows to ensure you hit that sweet spot at just the right angle. Of the three positions mentioned here, my Sex Lab Slaves, uh, I mean Lab Assistants, preferred this position for its drilling potential. *wink*

For more specifics, and more position descriptions, check out the website:
Best Positions to Reach a G-Spot Orgasm

Keep in mind that in order to get your G-spot to show up to the party, you need to be pretty aroused. It also takes a lot of hard rubbing to get that G-spot to comply with your wishes. Think of it as your own private genie's lamp--you have to rub and rub, but if you get it just right, the payoff is infinite. The best part of all? You get to keep working at it until you find the position that works best for you! Your new magic equation is more sex + more positions = more fun.

I always used a condom with partners and never had sex with someone I didn't know beforehand. I haven't had many partners either. So I was HORRIFIED when my gynecologist told me I had genital warts! It turns out, condoms DO NOT protect entirely against HPV, the virus that can cause warts (or worse, cancer), because the infected skin of someone with HPV can include labia, scrotum, etc, areas that the condom does not entirely cover/shield against. It's also the most common STD; apparently as much as 80% of sexually active adults have been exposed to it, they just don't all show symptoms (lucky me!). I had sex ed in school; why did I not know this? And how on Earth can Bella fuck everyone in sight and not get an STD? (Oh, right, she's a fictional character. Duh.) Still, can you share some information with your readers about HPV, warts, and the risks involved? I think we could use a refresher course...

Right, as you know from a recent Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy post, we covered some specifics on HPV: Oral Sex Raises Cancer Risk I'm so sorry that you had to learn about it the hard way, especially when you were being both careful and responsible. This goes to show how insidious sexually transmitted infections are. While the best protection you have against getting HPV is condoms, the only way to be 100% sure that you don't get them is to not have any kind of sexual contact at all, or to be in a long-term, monogamous relationship with someone who is clean.
You bring up several good points in your comments. First of all, we've learned a lot more about HPV over the past 10-15 years, such as its role in causing nearly all cases of cervical cancer. We now know that it also causes more cases of oral cancers than does tobacco! Why did you not learn about this in sex ed? Well, not all sex ed programs are comprehensive; some students receive abstinence-only education, which doesn't cover HPV or any other sexually transmitted infection.

Your most important point--if Bella Swan is fucking everyone in sight, as indicated in Fan Fiction--we all know she would have numerous sexually transmitted infections, especially if her partner isn't using a condom. Please, readers, for the love of all that's holy, don't follow a character's behavior in Fan Fiction as a personal guide for sexual behavior. Use condoms! Know your partner's STI status! Also, be aware that even using condoms isn't 100% effective protection against all STIs. As long as you're having sex, you are at risk. Please, be careful.

When having oral sex can one catch a disease even if both parties are clean, or virgins?

If both parties are virgins, it doesn't necessarily mean they haven't messed around sexually. Some people engage in every sexual activity possible except vaginal penetration. In fact, I've read about a woman who was so determined to be a virgin when she got married, that she engaged in anal sex with her partner. In my book, if you're having anal sex, you're only technically still a virgin, and that's just because your hymen is intact. It makes you very sexually experienced otherwise. So please, don't make the mistake of not using protection because your partner is a virgin--that can be a very costly error in judgment.

If both partners are clean, it means that they've been tested and gotten a clean bill of health recently. However, what were they tested for? Don't hesitate to ask your partner for their test results paperwork, and you should be just as willing to show yours. It's quite possible the tests weren't comprehensive; some people only get tested for HIV. How old are the test results? If it's been more than six months, and they've had multiple partners, always use protection.

The bottom line here is that there is never really a time when you can forego asking the STI status question. Don't make assumptions. Saying that you're clean, or a virgin, doesn't necessarily mean that it is true. Unless your partner is a virgin who's been celibate their entire lives, there is some element of risk involved in having unprotected sex--oral, vaginal, or anal. Be wary, and be safe. Please.

This isn't so much of a question as it is a comment. I have a very good friend who went to get waxed at a spa she had visited for a few years consistently. Thing was, she was 8.5 months pregnant. The lady who waxed her didn't so such a hot job. So there were those tiny little breaks in the skin. What normally would have been just a painful situation turned into a serious medical on for her and babe. Thats because she ended up with Sepsis because of a bacterial infection from her waxing. So she was in the hospital for a few days on IV antibiotics and they had to be very very cautious about preterm labour, which I am sure I don't need to go into detail about how bad that can be. Everything turned out fine but she was more then a little embarrassed that her desire for a pretty cooter for the OB to see turned into something pretty dang serious. So after that experience I stayed away from waxing when I wasn't in complete control while pregnant with both my kiddos.

I'm very glad you brought this to our attention! This is always a risk when you go to a public salon and get a wax treatment, so I recommend that you avoid getting waxed while you are pregnant, or that you do it by yourself if you absolutely cannot forego it. Don't be afraid to ask a salon about their procedures for keeping their equipment safe and sterile. If their answers leave you concerned, don't use their services. Period. It's not worth the risk.

I can't seem to find my clitoris, is it possible to be born without one?

It is possible to be born without just about anything, ranging from an esophagus to an ear drum, so one can, in theory, be born without a clitoris. While it is possible, it is also rare. Typically, if you were missing a clitoris, you'd probably have other genital anomalies as well. For example, your labial folds, or lower lips, are formed at the same time as is your other genital structures while the fetus is developing in the uterus. If you had no clitoris, you might have some issues with the shape or existence of your lips, too. It could be that you have a smaller than average clitoris, making it harder to see/find. Another possibility is that you have an extra large clitoral hood, which is a piece of skin that sits above your clit.

You can certainly grab a mirror and peek around at your lady bits some more to see if you can find the clit. If it still is not clearly evident, I suggest you get yourself sexually aroused (read your favorite fic, look at dirty pictures, watch some porn), then take a peek once more. Some women's clits don't become prominent until they are aroused, which might be the case for you, too.

If you still can't find it, I suggest you discuss it with your gynecologist at your next annual exam. There's no need to be embarrassed about asking the question. Honestly, these are doctors who see cooters every day, and they know exactly what to look for. Your sexual health is a huge factor in your overall gynecologic health, and it's part of the conversation you need to have with your doctor. I mean, let's face it--they give you a pelvic exam, talk to you about and/or prescribe birth control, insert IUDs, and go through your entire pregnancy with you, from conception to labor and delivery. Trust me, you can ask your doctor about it, and get a straight, honest answer; that way you will know for sure.

Attention, all Ask Naughty Nurse Kimplings! My fellow Pervs have been working zealously in the Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy Sex Lab to help me with next week's special post, "GOOD VIBRATIONS." Everything you've asked about vibrators gets answered! Be sure to tune in for the fun!

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