Monday, March 28, 2011

Team Anything Goes: The Definition of Want by audreii_fic


The Team Anything Goes Pick is...

Title: Definition of Want
Author: audreyii_fic
Chapters: 11 COMPLETE
Words: 63,032
Reviews: 687
Summary: You know how Edward offered to let Bella and Jacob make puppies? And we all secretly wondered how that would go? Yeah. It's one of those. J/B. Set post-Eclipse.

Chele - Admit it. If you’re whorish, like me, when Edward offered, out of desperation, to let Bella have Jacob’s “puppies” there was a little part of your mind that walked down that road. Truth is, there was a part of me the REALLY wanted Jacob to take him up on that offer. So imagine my excitement when I saw the summary for this story. While it isn’t the polyamorous love fest I had hoped for, it is an honest portrayal of how that scenario may very well have played out. It is also expertly written, gaspingly hot, and heartwrenchingly real.

audreyii_fic captures perfectly the two things that Edward and Jacob always had in common: their love for Bella, and their willingness to do anything to keep her from giving up her human life. From the moment that Edward approaches Jacob to make the proposal, it’s obvious that no one is going to make it out of this unscathed, and the ache that follows as Jacobs considers, shows fully the agony present for all parties in this triangle.

What really hit home for me, however, were the moments when Jacob and Bella were alone together. Their personalities felt so canon as he calmed and soothed, and finally, was able to love her the way that he was never able to in the original work. The tenderness and passion left me awestruck, and I ached for them to be able to stay in that bubble of simple happiness and physical pleasure for ever.

This story is both a beautiful dream and an ugly reality, but it always feels honest. If you have an open mind, read The Definition of Want. It’s guaranteed to offer an unseen perspective and make you ache with want for... everything.

Jeanne - If you remember my Winter Wish then you know my fascination with this particular line in canon.

"She can have puppies, if that's what it takes."

So, when I saw audreyii_fic specifically reference it in the summary to say I was intrigued would be an understatement. Like Chele, I hoped for a big smutty poly hump fest, but once I got into the story and realized that it wasn’t poly, I was already hooked.

audreyii_fic has a gift to make the characters reactions and actions feel so real, that it lends a great deal of credibility to the story. Jake, Bella and even at times Edward make this story for me. They are so in character that at times it was really hard for me read, because it was so well written. I felt their confusion, love and deep heartache.

This decision isn’t reached easily, but it is a choice reached by all three of them. Seeing how they each get there is fascinating and painful. In fact, Definition of Want hits on a truth in about canon Bella that I have rarely seen shown in fan fiction. Bella’s need to be changed is deeply rooted in her belief that Edward will eventually leave her if she were to stay human. This insecurity is ever present in canon, and even gets a spotlight in New Moon, but we never talk about it in fan fiction. We especially do not discuss how damaging that is for a relationship, and how equality isn’t just a philosophical idea. Love, real love isn’t just about the overwhelming need to be with someone, but it is also the ability to be truly yourself with them. To be comfortable with yourself, because their love allows your to be yourself. This is the difference between epic/romanticized love and real/long lasting love. This is the difference between Edward and Jacob.

Definition of Want is the story of how the road to hell is truly paved with good intentions, because Edward makes this choice as much as Jacob, and Bella. His mistake is one of loving Bella, and wanting to ensure her happiness, even at the expense of his own heart. That was one of the most difficult aspects of the story for me.

I am a Jake/Bella shipper, but I am also a Edward girl at heart, and while this story doesn’t make him a villain. It also doesn’t give him a HEA. However, audreyii_fic does an exceptional job of writing canon Edward, which in the end made my heartbreak that much more.

Even though my heart was crying for Edward, it was also exploding with love, and hope for Bella and Jacob. This story shows us canon Jacob, strong, sexy, and still desperately in love with Bella. We see the entire story from his POV, and I am beyond ecstatic at how we get to see his wise (beyond his years) observations of Bella. She is never more beautiful than when we see her through his eyes, and that alone says more about how much he loves her than any fancy dialog could.

There are so many flawlessly written scenes, sexy and simple, in this story that left me aching. audreyii_fic has given us a wonderful alternative to canon, where Jacob and Bella get (in my opinion) the HEA that they both deserved.Definition of Want is now at the top of my all time favorite Twilight Fan Fics, and if you’re a Bella/Jacob shipper you should drop EVERYTHING and go read it.

Jen - When Chele shared the premise of The Definition of Want, it seemed like such a natural take on the Twi universe that I couldn’t believe I hadn’t read anything like it before. audreyii_fic has created a completely believable alternate take on the culmination of the saga.

I absolutely love audreyii_fic’s portrayal of Jake. He’s what we’d expect of a teenager who has recently been told ‘I love you, but I love this other guy more.’ He’s pissed off that he’s lost the girl, pissed that he turns into a giant wolf, and pissed about the very existence of Edward Cullen. Sometimes in AU fic Jacob comes across as older than he really is. I’m thankful that this Jake really seems to be the age that SM wrote him as. It’s also hard to imagine this Jake going from loving Bella so desperately to being ok with imprinting on a hybrid baby with the speed that it happens in BD.

Another thing that audreyii_fic does so well is to show how Bella tries to make everyone else happy, worrying about herself last. She doesn’t pull an SM and pretend that there aren’t some very serious things wrong with the dynamic in Edward and Bella’s relationship. Granted, we are seeing everything through Jake’s pov, and he’s certainly biased against Edward. Bella undergoes a tremendous amount of growth in this fic. The times when she’s truly driven by her own desires and motivations are beautiful times indeed.

It’s very refreshing to see Bella and Jacob fumble in their initial sexual encounter. So often in fic, high school Bella is all-knowing sexually, a gross misrepresentation of canon Bella’s desire to be intimate with and feel completely loved by Edward. Their sexual activity is no less hot because they’re inexperienced; instead, every moment is filled with their love for one another, and it’s beautiful.

The Definition of Want is a fabulous exploration of a canon ‘what-if’ scenario. It’s angsty, it’s sexy, it’s real, and you should give it a try.

Jess - As a true Team Edward girl, the premise behind this story made me feel all sorts of weird, and to be completely honest, the first few chapters and even parts throughout made my heart hurt really hard for Edward. But I knew something like that would happen going into this story, so I can’t say I was surprised.

This is the story about two men who are deeply in love with one girl. Both of these men are good, both of them bring out beautiful and special parts in this woman, and both of them would do pretty much anything to buy more time and to make the woman happy. So, Edward and Jake find themselves in the dilemma of trying to convince Bella that she doesn’t really want to be a vampire, that she needs more time... both for very different reasons. Hence, Edward’s proposition to Jake that he father a child with Bella. Now, I know what you’re thinking... it’s very “Indecent Proposal”-like. I asked myself so many times, how is this going to work? Is Edward really going to let Jake sleep with Bella... before he’s even had a chance to? Is Bella still going to marry Edward... after she’s slept with Jake and may be pregnant with his child? So many questions, and audreyii_fic tells their story with such beauty it makes my heart all swirly just thinking about it.

There is so much more to this story than just Bella and Jake having sex. You can feel the hesitation, the unsurity (yes, I know that’s not a word), but you can also feel the pull between them. They are both scared, but the connection between Bella and Jake is so intense, so happy, and so, so warm. I loved the version of Bella that we see when she iss with Jake, and it really highlighted for me just how different Edward was from him and how different Bella was when she was with him. In fact, that is one of the major themes of this story - hot vs. cold, soft vs. hard. There are so many examples of how this plays out, and as the story progresses, you see extreme differences Bella the two men - one hard and cold, the other soft (aka human) and warm - Bella loves.

The secondary characters in this story were a really nice addition. Leah - bitter, feisty Leah - left my heart feeling warm as we watch her personal growth and the loose friendship she forms with Jake. Quil and Embry, always the funny pair, were full of laughs. I mean, can you picture Quil, in leather, hooking up with Leah? Just total win! Even Sam, you see his protectiveness over Leah, even though he’s with Emily. There were just a lot of really great character-rounding moments that added great depth to the story.

I said the story was more than about sex, and it definitely was, but I want to share a little glimpse of what their sexual connection was like. It really turned the tide for me, helped me see what Bella and Jake could be together, and left me rooting (that may be a little strong) for them to figure out how to work through the sadness that was definitely going to come regardless of the path she chose.

This first bit shows the initial desperation between them. I loved this!

Then I leaned up and kissed her.

It wasn't like the times before. This time her lips were the desperate ones. I didn't need to be desperate. Bella had already said she loved me, but that was different than wanting me, and now I had both. I didn't have to be desperate. I could take my time to feel how she shivered when I brushed my thumb across her cheek, to inhale her smell of girl soap and pancakes, to feel her eyelashes brush against the bridge of my nose as she closed her eyes.

Something in the back of my mind started to lecture me, saying You aren't supposed to do this, remember what Leah said, the reasons that this is a bad idea, remember what will happen and that neither of you are ready for it-

Then Bella made a little noise in her throat, reached up to tangle her hands in my hair, and opened her mouth, her hot tongue seeking mine.

Shut the fuck up, I told the voice firmly, and I deepened the kiss.

This just left me feeling all kinds of achy, warm, and good. The reference to eighties music... you’ll have to read it to understand. Both of them are completely inexperienced, so watching them try to figure out how to work together, touch each other, and adjust to all these new sensations was breathtaking and haaawwwttt.

"All right, just... wait a second." I gritted my teeth - wait a second, shit, did she have any idea what she was doing to me? - and closed my eyes, because if I watched... I felt her body pull away from mine, felt her legs shift against my sides, felt her take my length in hand (here I go ag-a-ain...), felt slickness rub across me, then the tightest, wettest warmth in the world, oh holy fucking God-

"Ouch," Bella said.

My eyes flew open. She was wincing. "You okay?" I managed to say, trying not to clench my hands and leave bruises on her hips.

"I'm okay." Her eyes closed and she nibbled on her lip. "Just don't move, let me get used to it."

As though it were possible to get used to this sensation. There was no amount of eighties music that was going to help me here. I stared at the ceiling, feeling sweat roll off my forehead, trying desperately to fight down the instincts that were telling me to shove as hard and deep into her as I possibly could, that that was how it was meant to be done-

Then Bella placed her hands on my chest, raised herself a couple of inches, lowered herself back down. "Oh," she gasped. "That feels good."

Thirty seconds, I begged my body. Just give me thirty seconds of this, please oh please oh please-

Bella started to rock back and forth, grinding her hips into mine. Then she leaned forward and draped herself over my chest, her hair falling all over me. "Jacob," she said breathlessly, her face flushed, "you feel so hot."

My fingers dug into her flesh as I thrust up into her, over and over, hard and fast and warm and slick and I was saying something but I wasn't sure what and then fire shot up my spine and speech was impossible and she raked her fingers through my hair and I spurted into her and if I was ever sure of anything it was that I was put on earth to do this to her, we were put on earth to do this to each other...

There is so much more that could be said about their growth in this story, but to say more, in my opinion, would just ruin it. Team Edward, if I can read this, so can you. It’s a great story and is rife with answers to the possibilities. This story helped me find a soft spot in my heart for Jake.

Oh... and there are some fun drabbles that link to this story as well. Check them out!
Future Take with Baby#1 and Christmas lovin’.

Teal - To be completely honest, I wasn’t quite down with this story when I started reading it. (Bear with me; I’m not hating here!) It felt completely out of canon for Edward to go to the lengths that he did and for Bella to react the ways she did, but I persevered, continuing to read because my other pervs were raving about how great it was, and I trust their opinions =) Even though I’m usually down with non-Edward/Bella pairings, it took some conscious effort for this one to sink in for me. I had to put aside my hesitations and appreciate this alternate possibility for Jacob and Bella for what it was -- a fanfic -- an alternative to canon. And then I enjoyed this fic.

So why tell you all this? I suppose because I know there are other people out there like me who enjoy the occasional Jacob/Bella fic but aren’t necessarily Team Jacob. My heart still hurt for all these characters, but the way it all unraveled, the stupid, rash decisions and the difficulty of feeling conflicted about where your heart is leading you made it an enjoyable read.

For Jacob lovers, this story will be an absolute squee-fest the further you get in, and for those, like me, who love E/B but still go for other pairings, this will be a great story to get into that will provide variety, unpredictable plot points, and delicious lemons, both of the angst and fluff variety. Enjoy!


audreyii_fic said...

Holy shit, guys. Thank you so much. I don't even know what to say.

Anonymous said...

Well I had looked at this fic a couple of times and was never quite sure wether to read it or not, being a real fan of jacob, So after you did the rec on it I just had to go read it, and believe me it was really worth it, it is an outstanding well written piece of work audreyii_fic gives you everything, humor,tears,joy and some really hot j/b action