Sunday, March 13, 2011

Team Angst: Love is the End by phoebes.promise


Team Angst is a constantly changing team, depending on who can handle the angst levels of the Team Angst pick. Only the bravest (or craziest) Pervs tackle the tears and pain to bring you the best angst and heartfail that fan fic has to offer. Non-canon pairings? No problem. Cheating and Break-ups? No sweat. Character death? Bring it! It’s all in a days work for Team Angst. So if you think you’re tough enough put on your big girl pants, take a seat and join us for the Team Angst Pick.

The Team Angst Pick is...

Title: Love is the End
Author: phoebes.promise
Chapters: 17
Words: 45,456
Reviews: 1218
If he had only spoken the right words at the right time she would be his forever. Instead, they ache, love and long for each other in silence. A bittersweet love story desperately searching for a happily ever after. E/B, AH, M.

Emmy - This was a fic I first stumbled upon when it was just a chapter or two in. Woah. This pushed all my usual Turp buttons re Edward and/or Bella being with other people - hell they are MARRIED to other people. Adultery - that is another ‘Turpentine’ for me.... Yet I had to keep reading this story. The prologue - as painful as it is Bella widowed from Sam, and Edward married to Lauren - deeply entangled and hurting one-another, completely despondent and at the ends of their respective tethers - is beautifully written and so absorbing I had to read on.

I do not want to spoil the development of this story and reveal just how lifelong friends Edward and Bella reached this point and became so entrenched and unhappy with their lives apart and how even though they are in love they are not together. Stupid decisions had been made, others depended on them and tragedy befell them.

So instead Edward and Bella seek out illicit meet-ups, have fabulous sex - ranging from bitter and angry to gentle and tender - having an incredible connection both physically and emotionally. It makes for very erotic reading - even if at times its painful to see them hurt so much.

A few quiet moments passed between us. The room was still. She rose purposefully to her knees, leaned towards me and rested her hands on my thighs.

"But... I'm here…right now," she whispered.

I reached my hand out. My fingertips feathered across her cheek and down to her chin, running the length of her smooth throat. She tilted her head back with a light moan, giving me access to the bare skin on her chest. She slowly crawled into my lap, laying her legs across mine.

"I burn for you, baby. I…" She breathed.

"Shhh… Bella, we have to let go now."

"I don't think I can, Edward."

My fingers trailed down her breastbone over her white tank to the button on her shorts pulling gently to open them.

"Fuck, I miss you."

My free hand dug into the silky strands of her hair bringing her closer and my deft fingers found her wet heat under the cotton and lace.

I dragged my nose up her jaw breathing in that distinct Bella scent. Her breath hitched as I teased her folds. And when I buried my face into that sweet spot just below her ear, my fingers buried into her warmth.

"I shouldn't be touching you like this."

Her arms were tight around my shoulders, her hands gripping my t-shirt. She was biting down on her lip to stifle her sounds of pleasure. I knew the look she wore; I'd seen it so many times before. She was close to unraveling. I brought my thumb down on her clit, pressing tight circles in time with the thrusting of my fingers inside.

"Bella..." I groaned. "You can't scream my name and I can't fuck you anymore, baby."

Her hips became erratic; she was desperate for the release only I could give her. As she rode out her blissful tremors… our gaze never parted.

See what the fuck I mean?? Crazy Intense scenes of both pleasure and pain. Heart-fucking-breaking and just fucking wonderful.

Love is the End is an incredible and an incredibly challenging story for me. But so worth the read. I hope Edward can move past his obligations and start making both Bella and himself properly happy - the way they should be, the way their friends think they should be.

Jess - I couldn’t agree with Emmy’s words more. I love angsty stories. I love the push and pull, the twists and turns of the heartfail that often accompanies them, but sometimes it can be too much. In this case, the one element that has always pushed me to uncomfortable places is the issue of adultery. It’s hard for me to read stories (as real life as they might be) when this is a major theme. But Love is the End handles this with such realism and intensity, it’s hard not to be sucked in.

You can feel the heartache as they both struggle to figure out how they ended up in their respective situations. You see the toll it takes on Edward in his loveless marriage to Lauren, the toll it takes on Bella as she suffers through everything that happens in her marriage and after to Sam, the toll it takes on their friends and family. All of it is heart-ripping rawness at its best, and it leaves me aching for resolution that will befit this story.

"It's the middle of August, Lauren. You shouldn't be cold." I polished off another bottle adding it to the growing row. Her fingers teased up thigh then brushed along my length, testing as I tensed. She fumbled the snap of my jeans open, her manicured nails scratched along the top of my boxers. She worked my pants lower, while I reached for the liquor she'd almost emptied.

As I drained the last of her bottle, my wife tentatively took my cock in her mouth for the first time ever… My body reactively betrayed under her warm breath. She licked the tip, humming nervously. I fought fading images of Bella behind closed eyes. When her thin, red lips greedily surrounded, my hips forced forward. The movements were braver, taking me farther in, sliding her tongue underneath as I hardened from the attention.

I gripped through her hair, she immediately jerked then stilled. Dropping my hands to the hard surface, I settled in to who and what I encouraged. My head tipped back, slamming against the wall, penetrating pain. I stilled when she raised her peach nightgown, straddled then sank.
Lauren hovered, awkwardly rocking, desperately pulling… a pathetic conclusion to a night of anger and alcohol. My physical and emotional reaction damaged, determined after weeks of silence from Bella. The release building within only forced my selfish fury. Her kiss was rough and raging. "Fucking look at me… Please…" She cried, moving faster as I met her glare. My orgasm stirred, suddenly strong. I forcefully pushed her hips away, as I pulsed between us by my own stroking hand.

Lauren fell back onto the dark floor, curling into a fetal hold, heaving.

"I'm… sorry. So fucking sorry." I crawled, reaching.

This is just one glimpse into how their actions have broken, not just each other, but the other people in their lives. I won’t go into any detail here about Bella and Sam, because that story is heartbreaking and deserves more attention that I can devote in this short little review.

Watching Edward and Bella try to find themselves in each other and with each other is beautiful and painful all at the same time. Their secret rendezvous are full of heat and passion, anger and love, and bitterness and envy.

Holding her face tightly against mine, I whispered against her cheek. "Calm down." Bella fought against my hold, thrashing. "She's lying. Stop fighting." Pushing ringlets off her glistening skin, I brushed my lips beneath her ear and down her neck tasting her luscious, salty skin. "Shhh." I slid my hands down over the thin gauzy material. Her chin dropped to her chest, her hands leveraged on the rim of the sink. Slowly lifting the hem of the sundress, I teased the sweet skin inside her thighs. Her muscles tensed as I rubbed my erection against her. And as I dusted my fingers along her cotton panties meeting desperate heat, her breathing increased.

"Edward…" She cried. I freed my cock, pushed her sundress over her ass and her panties to the floor. My knee edged to spread hers as her grip tightened in white knuckled anticipation.

"Edward… oh fuck…" When I entered her, she gasped, I groaned. As our eyes locked in the mirror, I covered her hands with mine, lacing slippery fingers. I pulled my hips back slowly, never leaving her warmth. When I thrust forward, she moaned, pushed back, wanting more.

A strap slipped, revealing a perfect breast. I caressed, teasing her pink nipple while we watched in the reflection. We found a fast, satisfying rhythm in the small sweltering space. "Harder… please, oh god…"

I fucked my lover how she begged, watching her beautiful ecstasy in the glass. Guiding her hand to her swollen flesh between her legs, we rubbed together until she tightened and quivered.

"That's it…" Her legs weakened, I wrapped my arms around her and reminded. "I've got you, baby."

She moaned through her orgasm as I pumped once, twice… pouring into her. "Bella, ahhh… fuck…" I rested over her, my white shirt transparent from our pleasure and efforts.

"Get off of me." She suddenly straightened, I staggered back situating myself. She slid down the dark red stucco wall near the door, using trembling fingers to pull her panties up. "What the hell is wrong with you…" Her eyes narrowed, our breathing slowed.

"Hey…" I crouched near her, she turned. "Bella, listen to me…" Her fingers shielded my face; I caught her thumb between my teeth as she pushed me away.

The emotion that Phoebes_Promise conveys is rich and amazing. I find myself aching and praying for them to come together, to figure out how to make it work without continually inflicting pain on everyone around them. But even in the midst of all that heat and bitter emotion, there is hope. Hope that their paths will bring them back together, that their lifelong love for each other will be enough to keep them connected when life threatens to keep them apart.

She reached for me as her shouting morphed into an agonizing whisper, "I want to wake up to your gorgeous face and have sex before the sun rises. I want to make your favorite dinner and pour your favorite wine. And I want to listen to you read fairytales to our babies every single night for the rest of our lives."

A familiar pain tore through my chest as I listened to her. She was broken from the past, needing our new beginning. She deserved so much more than a year of clandestine traveling and late night phone calls. She'd consumed me since I was eighteen years old. I'd loved her as long as she'd loved me and then some. I wrapped my arms around her trembling body and laid her back on the bed underneath me.

"Please stop leaving me," she begged and wrapped her legs around my waist as I pushed into her.

I framed her face with my hands, running my thumbs underneath her jaw. Pressing my forehead to hers, I thrust into her long, deep and hard; filling her completely with the body and soul that belonged only to her.

"It was supposed to be us…" Bella whimpered against my lips.

"I know, baby. I know."

This story is beautifully and emotionally told through a combination flashbacks to the past that fill in the missing pieces and the present to move it all along. We are so very close to a major breakthrough. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and am waiting with bated breath for Phoebes_Promise to give us another update. Give this story a read. You will be moved and left wanting for more.

Jen - Love is the End might just be the definition of what an angsty story is. The love and other emotions present are so intense that the reader is guaranteed to feel twinges in their chest.

I don’t want to divulge too many plot details, as Em and Jess have stated. The story unfolds in such a way that we know that Edward and Bella married other people but don’t know how they got to that point, or to the point of carrying on secretly.

Also like Em and Jess, stories with infidelity can be tough for me to read. My own parents’ marriage was ended due to infidelity, and I’m often unable to stomach stories where infidelity is a major plot point. I think one reason that I’ve been able to carry on reading this story is that Phoebes_Promise has not written a story that’s all rainbows and unicorns. Bella and Edward are flawed. They love each other very deeply, but that also means that they can hurt each other terribly. There are a number of scenes where they are using sex against each other, or using it to take out their frustrations over their circumstances. The sex is not always sweet and romantic; sometimes it’s so desperate and hard that it’s kind of frightening. You know that they would never physically harm each other, but there are times that their intimacy is so raw that it could be seen as violent.

She closed her eyes and tears spilled silently down her cheeks. When she met my gaze again, her look was desolate. This was not the accomplished, compassionate and confident woman…the absolute center of my existence. Instead, I was staring at an empty, bare and shattered shadow of who she was. The change was gradual, it was at my hand and only I could heal it. My own tears threatened as I patiently watched her process the reality of my admission.
Suddenly she straddled my lap and began frantically grinding against my cock. Her hands grasped the back of my neck and her hot mouth was on mine intensely and desperately licking, nipping and pulling. I tasted the bitter salt of her tears on our swollen lips.
"Bella don't, not like this." I tried to calm her, but she continued to move her hips hoping for a reaction.
"Please Edward… It's all I have." She pleaded as evidence of her sorrow continued to trickle down her beautiful, pale face.

Phoebes_Promise has created an intriguing set of supporting characters. Edward and Bella have a huge group of mutual friends from high school and college. Some of their friends are supportive of the situation Edward and Bella are in; others verge into very nasty territory. Edward runs with an entirely different group when he’s at home in Atlanta with Lauren. Lauren is so sugary sweet that it seems forced, and you wonder how Edward ended up with her. I love that these characters add so much richness to the story.

Love is the End is nearing a conclusion. I’m looking forward to seeing the loose ends of the story tied up. I’m not sure how it will end or how the end will make me feel, but I do know that reading this story is well worth any discomfort I might feel.

Teal - Reading this story, I remembered something about myself: I love forbidden romance stories. Reading, writing, devouring - it’s all in the same category for me. I know that cheater fics can be difficult to deal with, especially because so many of us have been through ordeals like that in our own real lives, but there is just something so intense, so gritty, and so fucking real about a story where the characters can’t seem to stay away from one another and keep ripping their own hearts out over and over again. It’s just . . . human. It’s good because it hurts and it hurts because it’s good.

I especially love the way Phoebes_Promise lets the details unfold in this fic. With each chapter, we learn a little something about the past, a little something about the future, and get a taste of lemony, hot smut. Even when you know it’s wrong and damaging to everyone for Edward and Bella to be together, it’s impossible to want anything else.

To be completely honest, I’m not a crier, but there are plenty of places throughout this story where my stomach twisted and my heart ached for the characters. They really dug themselves into their own deep holes over the years of their friendship and love affair, but when you get down to it, it’s clear that both of them was just doing what it would take to survive. With miles and months separating them, getting through each day is an obvious struggle.

After so much heartache, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for Edward and Bella in this story. If they didn’t end up together, it would be realistic, undoubtedly, but I’ll still hold out hope that they can somehow figure it out before they destroy everyone - not just themselves and their spouses, but all their friends who have played witness to their roller coaster since high school.


Rose said...

Have to say, I just read the chapters that are up and it really is heartbreaking. Edward and Bella really love each other but have made mistakes in their lives that keep them from truly being together. Stolen moments are all they have and that isn't enough to sooth their broken hearts.

Twi Sherry said...

I'm adding this to my must read list RIGHT NOW. I love angst and just what's here is killing me. I can't wait to read this. Thanks for tweeting this link.