Questions for Kristen Nicole:
Kassiah: I thought we'd start off the interview with a little psychoanalysis, sorta-rorschach style. I am going to show you five images and you tell me the first thing that comes to mind, k?
Kristen: Sounds good. I'm in!
Kassiah: *puts on fuckhot librarian glasses* Let's get started.
Picture one 
Kristen: Maybelline - is he born with it?
Kassiah: *shakes head and scribbles down notes*Kristen: Maybelline - is he born with it?Okay Numero Dos: 
Kristen: HOBO. If I was going to have sex with a scruffy homeless man, it would be this one.
Kassiah: *whimpers slightly and picks up next picture* Ready for Number Three?
Kristen: HOBO. If I was going to have sex with a scruffy homeless man, it would be this one.Kristen: Do you even need to ask? It's like you can read my mind, Kass!
Kassiah: Okay, here you go:
Kristen: I'm not sure how to type the thoughts that came into my mind. It was something like: omfgcutestbabykittyinthewholewideworldsqueesqueecoo. Does that make any sense to you?Kassiah: *nods* You are so fucking cute. Let's get to number four, I really am excited for you to see it:
Kristen: Giant Sex Hands of Doom. I feel like that could be the title of a really super porno or something.Kassiah: Finally, we get to number 5. I cannot wait to see what you think of this one. Ready?
Kristen: I'm a little scared, but yes - proceed!
Kassiah: Okay here you go: *flashes picture and falls over in fit of giggles*
Kristen: My eyes ... what has been seen cannot be unseen! Although I have to admit, I totally see Rob as more Sailor Moon than Tuxedo Mask.Kassiah: still *giggling* ikr?
Kristen: The eyes are following me wherever I go, it's creeping me out! Look away, Sailor Rob Moon, LOOK AWAY.
Kassiah: Okay that was fun. Let's get down to some more serious questions haha. I seriously cannot wait for everyone to see the dance we've been working on.
Kristen: Me too! Who knew that we were so multi-talented?
Kassiah: What is your favorite non-twilight movie?
Kristen: I love Rushmore (how hipster do I sound right now), The Shining, Four Rooms, Secretary, Grosse Point Blanke and Clash of the Titans. Yeah, I said it. What's not to love about claymation Medusa and a mechanical owl? I watch a truckload of movies and television. Basically if I'm in my house, then the television is on. I keep it on all night long. I read with the TV on. I write with the TV on. I'd probably fuck with the TV on if my girlfriend wouldn't try and smother me with a pillow. I think when people have a bunch of bad things to say about television (it'll rot your brain, blah blah blah), it's a way for them to get up on their high horse. I think I'm doing enough reading and extracurricular activities to get away with watching cable television 24/7. I love you, TV. Don't ever leave me.
Kassiah: What is your favorite color?
Kristen: Black and Blue. Yes, I realize black isn't a color.
Kassiah: It's not? I didn't know that, and I am crafty. What's your favorite dessert?
Kristen: Little Debbie Snackcakes make the world go 'round. I'm not even kidding. I think I could eat a truckload of those a day - but I won't because I probably would actually die. It's bad enough that I eat a vegetable like once every three weeks. I'm not even kidding. Someone needs to make me eat something that doesn't consist of ingredients I can't pronounce.
Kassiah: I will make you something, what do you want?
Kristen: Ooh! I like any kind of casserole, actually. I also really like cheese. I'm getting hungry just thinking about this.
Kassiah: Me too, call that hot waitress over here so we can order something.
Kassiah: What is your drink of choice?
Kristen: Coffee! I'm fairly sure that my veins no longer have blood in them, just a brown caffeinated beverage. That reminds me, I should go make another pot.
Kassiah: Okay how about a real drink? What's your favorite alcoholic beverage?
Kristen: I'm dying over here. We're talking about alcohol and the first thing that pops into my head is coffee. Wow. My children's librarian side really just came out there! I really like vodka tonics with lime, actually. Whenever I go out anywhere, that's usually the first thing I'll order. If I'm drinking beer, then my go-to beverage is Yuengling.
Kassiah: And I was kinda scared because I didn't think of coffee, and MsKathy might consider that base treachery or something.
Kassiah: Okay, so I guess I should get off the food/drink convo. Any non-canon pairings that you secretly love?
Kristen: Ooh! I love the idea of Lauren/Jessica, and I know that's a sad and tiny little genre that no one (but me) wants to touch with a ten foot pole. I also really like reading Quil/Claire by Alice laughed, because those are so completely touching. I think that she took a pairing that most people instinctively shy away from and turned it into something wonderful.
Kassiah: Slauren? Seriously? ew. Okay, I will stop. I want you to be happy with anyone, so long as it's not Skanktoria.
Kristen: Oh Kass, it is my secret love! Well, I guess not anymore. Although can it really be secret if I wrote about it already? Hmm...
Kassiah: Now that I am writing, this question seems to, er, pop up more and more for me. What are your favorite words for the both female and male body parts?
Kristen: Oh wow, this is a good question. You ask the tough ones, Mistress Kassiah! It was actually easier to write anatomy for TCB, because that Bella was so sheltered. It was cool to type "lady parts" because she obviously had never heard the word pussy except in reference to a cat. Unlike TCB Bella, I know a lot of words to reference a vagina, and I like a lot of them. Um, a lot of words. Heh. A term that squicks a lot of women out is the word "cunt" - and I love that word. Then again, I am a lot more familiar with lady parts than the average female reading twific *coughcough* so that could have something to do with it. For dudes, you can't go wrong with "cock." I'm down with anything I can make a rooster joke out of.
Kassiah: *nods* I love cock. js.
Kassiah: How do the characters in The Caged Bird relate to you, personally? Is Bella similar to you?
Kristen: I think that she definitely has an appreciation for literature like me, and I think that she has some aspects that are similar to me when I was much, much younger. I remember being totally clueless about things like sexuality and even normal stuff like movies and music. I would compare myself much more to TCB Edward now, though. I swear like it's going out of style. Sometimes I feel like I need a "fuck count" just for my every day conversations. It's really bad. I'm going to be that old lady that swears in the nursing home. Not sure why I keep bringing up old ladies, I think I'm having some kind of weird issue all of a sudden.
Kassiah: *grins* I like talking about old ladies with you. Did a boy ever hide under your bed? Possibly grope you while your mom was in the room?
Kristen: I'm laughing hysterically over here at that! Nothing like that ever happened to me, but I did have sleepovers later on in high school that weren't necessarily what I claimed they were. Dear Penthouse...
Kassiah: I so wish that we had been in high school together and coulda had sleepovers.
Kassiah: Oh my frilly heck! How do you come up with the stuff Bella says?
Kristen: The expletives are actually straight from my own brain. They are either ones I've used before in my own life, or they're ones that I've sat down and thought up. When I was little, I wasn't allowed to use any kind of "swears" - I couldn't even say "sucks" for fear of dire retribution - so I think I'm making up for lost time now. My twitter account is a testament to all things foulmouthed. I get a kick out of Bella using "fake" swears because I think it's so incredibly silly. Isn't using a fake swear really just the same as actually saying the bad thing if the intent behind it is the same?
Kassiah: I tell my kids that all the time. You know I am not *allowed* to say "fuck" around them, or my husband goes nuts, but whenever my 14yo says something, I will always say, "You might as well have said 'fuck,' it's the same thing." Hubs doesn't agree. Whatever.
Kristen: Kass, you crack me up.
Kassiah: For anyone who doesn't have a clue, tell us a little about what's going on in your stories.
Kristen: For Caged Bird, I would say that the major themes and elements include personal empowerment. I wanted this story to be about Bella's romantic relationship with Edward, but I really wanted it to showcase her coming into herself as a woman in charge of her own life. I think that's what was missing from Twilight for me, and it's what I would ask SMeyer to work on if ever given the opportunity. It's also about ideas regarding religion, and what encompasses a faith base. For me, that's incredibly personal, and it's something I thought would be interesting to write about. What does it mean to blindly follow something, be it either religion or another person? I think that's fascinating. As for Zombie, I wanted it to be more "in your face" Bella. I wanted it to be blood, guts and glory. Basically, I just wanted to write something fun.
Kassiah: Did you expect Bella Swan: Zombie Killer to be so popular? I mean, everything you write is total win, but did you think lots of people would fangirl about it?
Kristen: Truthfully? I really did not. I had no idea how much people were going to like Zombie Killer. I just assumed that I was going to be writing it for the benefit of me and a few zombie loving friends, and I was totally okay with that. After I posted the first chapter and people started reviewing, I was in shock. Pleasantly surprised, to be sure, but still amazed. I think it's a testament to this particlar fandom that so many people are willing to go outside of their normal comfort zones to try out a fic. That's incredible - I wish more people would broaden their horizons like that.
Questions for Kristen Nicole from around the fandom:
Kassiah: Get ready for these. When I sent out the request, Bri asked if anything goes. I said yes, and she thinks I really meant it *snort*
From antiaol:
1. Are you really a librarian?
Kristen: Yes, would you like me to take care of those overdue fines for you?
2. If so, have any of these awesome things that get written about in fic happened to you? (i.e. anyone take you against the stacks or visit the rare collections room and fuck you against the table)
Kristen: We don't have a rare collections room, but I have definitely sexed it up in-house.
3. If yes, I'mma need a detailed description.
Kristen: Hah! I'll just go ahead and say that bookcarts (while handy for trucking tomes back and forth between the stacks) are excellent tools for engaging in lascivious behavior. They are just the right height for all kinds of general tomfoolery. Yes, I actually use words like "tomfoolery," because I'm ninety years old.
Kassiah: Ninety year olds don't fuck in the library. on a cart. ::rolls eyes::
Kristen: I'm going to be the kind of ninety year old that does exactly that, trust me!
4. What made you decide to start writing?
Kristen: I've been writing stories since I learned to hold a pencil in my chubby little baby fist. Granted, my "fic" life started with me writing one-shots about the Babysitter's Club Series (please don't ask, I beg of you), but I really love spewing my guts out onto paper. Before I started writing fic, my life in writing basically revolved around coming up with literary analysis or typing up thematic research proposals like it was going out of style. I still do that if I have the time - and sometimes I send them to MsKathy, because she's sweet and will put up with my fucking nonsense. Me: MsK, would you like to read this impromptu paper I just wrote on Feminine Hysteria and Naturalism versus Realism in "Silas Lapham"? MsKathy: *sigh* I'm just kidding, she's always so nice to me. Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh yes - writing! You can tell by this epic paragraph that I like it a little too much.
From Sunshine00:
1. Are you married? Have any kids?
Kristen: I have a lovely girlfriend. We've been together for five years now, and she is supportive of everything I do and she is fucking hot. She's also a drummer, which pretty much rules. I have a nine-year-old son who is the light of my life. He is insanely smart and hilarious, and I am so thankful every day that I got to have him. Having a kid is a constant reminder that I am not the only person on the planet, and that I am not that important. Sometimes I'll forget that because I am incredibly self-absorbed.
2. If you are twi-ddicted, are you surprised at your own interest in it?
Kristen: I'm surprised on a daily basis how addicted I am to all this stuff. Every day, it feels like I'm reading/writing/talking about something that has to do with this fandom. I've met a bunch of great people through this, so I love that. In RL, I have to stop myself from engaging in conversation when I hear people talking about Twilight, because I don't want to "out" myself. Isn't that fucking hysterical?
Kassiah: I don't talk to people in RL anymore, but if I did, I wouldn't talk to them about it because I feel like I have a secret, and I don't want to share it with just anyone.
From Anntastic:
Do you ever want to just write in your Bella dumping Edward and going for Alice?
Kassiah: Uh, before you answer this question. The answer better fucking be 'no'. Okay, carry on *giggle*
Kristen: BEST QUESTION EVER. If I were the Bella in this story, then that would probably be the case, but these two star-crossed lovers are destined for each other. No worries, Kass. :)
What fic do you still want to see written?
Kristen: Okay, I have the perfect answer to this question. If littlesecret84 doesn't end up writing that Guido E/B fic modeled after Jersey Shore, I'm going to kill myself. Seriously. It would probably be the funniest thing ever created. I'm going to lift a quote from her off twitter, because it was that frightening/magnificent. "Bella, I need a Guidette like you in my life - let's fist pump all the way to Forks together, there's enough gel in my hair to use as lube, baby." <-- Could this possibly be any more hilarious? No, it could not. Everyone email littlesecret84 right now and tell her to start writing it ASAP.
Kassiah: I will definitely start bugging her for this story, rtfn.
From Stupidsuckedinreader:
1. What is your favorite zombie movie and why?
Kristen: I am a Romero junkie. I loved all the "Dead" movies. I loved "Dawn of the Dead" the most (the 1978 version as well as 2004 version), simply because of its tongue-in-cheek commentary on American mass consumerism. You take a look at the people who populate shopping malls and you start to wonder, "isn't this the same thing as zombification?" The glazed look in the eyes, the all-encompassing drive to "consume" - it's a great play on suburban ennui and traditional American culture. Why do we feel this overwhelming need to "own"? The people stuck inside that shopping mall are just as bad as the zombies banging on the door to get inside. They are both products of what's driving them.
Kassiah: Scary movies, um, scare me. js.
Kristen: I will take care of you, no worries. I scored an 81% on the "will you live through a zombie apocalypse" quiz. You're in good hands, trust me.
2. Will there be lemons in Bella Swan: Zombie Killer?
Kristen: *glances around shiftily* maybe.
Kassiah: uh, maybe? *glares*
Kristen: okay, okay, you know there'll be smut!
Kassiah: I knew. That's why I gave up so easily. *grin*
From Saridee:
How the hell did you come up with The Caged Bird? Is crazy religiously fanatical Renee based off of anyone you know in RL?
Kristen: Caged Bird comes from my time in the library and my experiences as a young adult in the Southern Baptist community. For me, Renée encompasses all the strange, crazy, weird, bizarro people that I had to deal with for a majority of my life. It's a whole different planet interacting with some of these individuals. I could tell you insane stories (watching parishioners be slain in the spirit, having my music confiscated and burned because it was considered "satanic," attending mass conferences about sexual purity, being taken out to protest outside an abortion clinic when I was in the third grade - I even attended a youth camp hosted by Jim and Tammy Faye Baker). I think for an accurate portrayal of my life, you could watch the movie "Jesus Camp." I wish I could say I was kidding. Of course, this is only one side of the spectrum. I think it's incredibly important to remember that not all people are this way. There are tons of Christians out there who are loving, amazing, wonderful people. I would be some kind of mean bastard if I didn't emphasize that point.
Kassiah: You? A mean bastard? As if!
From ScarlettLetters:
How did you decide to name the shovel 'Rosalie' in BS:ZK? It is such a touch of brilliance, as is the rest of the story, but I'd love to know how you decided on that.
Kristen: The idea actually came out of nowhere. That sounds very strange, but it's true. I was sitting by my father's hospital bed, and I was thinking about how I wanted to write a zombie-fic. Spargelkun had mentioned it, and I fucking love zombies (and Spargel). I started doodling it out on a napkin. I knew I wanted a strong female lead, and I wanted her to have an "interesting" weapon that could be like an extension of her personality. I immediately thought of a shovel, but then I had no clue what I would name her. The first idea that popped into my head was Rosalie. I called myself an idiot, because that's an actual character's name, but the more I thought about it, the more the idea grew on me. After all, isn't Rosalie the kind of in-control female that women often aspire to be like? If Bella is the "everyman" - because she obviously is - then Rosalie is the "I am woman, hear me roar" of the fandom. In Zombie, Bella's weapon enables her to channel her own feminine power structure. I could get into a gigantic feminist lit discussion here, but I won't. Basically, I always wished that Twi-Bella could be more of an amalgam of Bella and Rosalie: caring and compassionate, but still confident enough in herself as a person to take charge of any situation that's thrown her way. Women are all these things and more. We need to remember that.
From Anonymous2:
Do you have any plans to expand your jess/lauren oneshot or really is there anymore Knicole femmeslash coming (heh) in the near future?
Kristen: I love that someone just asked me this. That one-shot is my baby. I feel like it's one of the best fiction pieces that I've ever written. It's also the most true to my own love life. I would really, really love to write more femmeslash in the future. It gave me a thrill to write it. However, I think that because it's something so near and dear to me, I'd actually be little bit more protective over it and nervous about putting it out there. If someone said to me, "this hetero sex scene you've created isn't believable and I didn't enjoy it," I'd probably just shrug it off and say, "you know what - they're probably right. I'll work on making it better." At the end of the day, Edward and Bella are just made-up characters and they have nothing to do with me. If someone gave me a hard time about writing femmeslash it might give me a stroke, because I feel so deeply connected with it. Then it would be like people are commenting on me personally. I also get way too much shit about it in my actual life (nothing like being the lesbian Mom of a nine-year-old football player), so getting flack on the internet regarding the sexuality of my characters just hits a little too close to home for me. Circling back around to the actual question, I would love to write more femmeslash - although it might not end up being a spinoff of my one-shot. Also, I'm apparently a giant scaredy cat. I obviously need to man up and stop being such a baby.
From Mozzer0906:
Which part of any of your fics is what you consider some of the best stuff you have written?
Kristen: I think the "outing" scene from my Lauren/Jessica one-shot was very true to life, and I feel great about that. I like all the funny bits I've done in Zombie Killer so far, and it's been nice to exercise my funny bone that way. I also feel pleasantly surprised with the action stuff that I've written. I wasn't sure how that would go. In TCB, I feel really good about how I've written Bella's emotional turmoil over things. That was really important to me. I wanted her indecision over big events in her life to come across as realistic to my audience, and it seems like I've really stayed true to her character - which I feel so strongly about. You should see me harrasing my beta Lisa89 over it. She has to continually hold my hand because I'll start worrying that the characterizations are completely off.
From Merfness:
What do you do when you get stuck?
Kristen: Cry? No, just kidding (kind of). I usually take a break and do something totally different. When I'm feeling too chipper and weird to write TCB, I start working on Zombie some more. If I'm super emo, then I'll take up TCB again. If I feel like my brain is about explode, I leave the house or the library and just do something fun. I mean, it's a hobby. It's not supposed to stress me out. The moment that it stops being enjoyable for me is when I stop writing fanfiction. I think that should be the case for anyone. We all have enough stressful stuff in our lives without adding to it. This should be a creative outlet and a place to meet cool people, and that's pretty much it.
From SweetDulcinea:
I would like to hear more about your love for horror and gore movies, including which have influenced BS:ZK the most.
Kristen: Oh, you must really love me if you're asking me nice questions like these! Romero is definitely an influence. The "Dead" zombie movies are like manna from Zombie Heaven. I also really love Sam Raimi and the entire "Evil Dead" series. He took a tiny budget and a little known actor named Bruce Campbell and turned it into a twisted, perverted, amazing goldmine. He made it okay for horror to be funny. I think that's what's missing from a lot of horror movies for most people. In order to appeal to a broader base of people, you've got to throw in a few laughs between scare tactics. I think that's what enables scaredy cats to keep coming back for more. They might not like the gore, but they'll stay for the zippy one-liners. I mean, look at Stephen King!
Questions for Kassiah:
Kristen: You are a busy lady - don't you home school? And write? And leave sweet reviews for a million people? And help run a website? Wow. How do you manage to get everything done and not pull all your hair out?
Kassiah: Awww, you're so sweet. I don't manage to get everything done. Yeah, I do all that except the sweet reviews for a million people. I used to leave good reviews, now it's just "uh, that was good." I'm lame now. As far as the other stuff, I have a list and try to get at least 1/7th of it done every day. The homeschooling? Yeah, that sucks. Most of their stuff is on the computer though, so that keeps me mildly sane. MiniBB does drive me crazy though.
Kristen: I think my nine-year-old would probably have turned out like a wild animal if I'd been forced to teach him myself. I'm always so impressed with people that have the gumption to homeschool. It seems like it would be really, really hard.
Kassiah: It is. I won't be homeschooling the boys in the future if I can help it. lol
Kristen: Best/Worst part about working for the Fictionators?
Kassiah: *grins* there are no bad parts. Seriously, I love working with Caren and Shannon. I think the best part is that we are friends and have gotten to know each other and be there for each other. I also really love that I can bring attention to lesser-known fics and help them get readers. Bad parts? I think they both might say that I kinda get over zealous with the deadlines. I'm just lucky that they don't get too upset when I rant.
Kristen: I'm shocked! You're sweetness and light, and I firmly believe that little birds braid your hair every morning. How could anyone ever be mad at you?! Also, the Fictionators are amazing. I think you guys do great work there.
Kassiah: Thanks, I am pretty proud of it. And proud of being part of their group, you know?
Kristen: "Sweeping Booty" was hilarious. Would you ever consider writing more comedy?
Kassiah: OMG, I didn't even realize that you read that. I wish. I mean, I really wish I was funny. But I'm not, so I doubt it.
Kristen: Oh please! You make me laugh on a daily basis. Your twitter commentary is genius.
Kassiah: Yeah, but there is a big difference in being funny on purpose and just being- what I am. *giggle*
Kristen: What's the nicest review you've ever received?
Kassiah: I think all of my reviews are nice. I mean, except for the two that called me a sadistic monster. I actually squeed when I got a review that said "Update Soon" I know, I'm a dork. I got a really great review on twilighted that said it was fantastic writing, and that surprised me. I see myself as a reader. ::shrugs::
Kristen: What the best part about being in this fandom?
Kassiah: Oh, that's easy. Friends. I know that the relationships that I have with some of the ladies I have met through ffic is real. There isn't a doubt in my mind that if I needed MsKathy for example, she'd be there for me in a flash.
Kristen: Yay! MsKathy is wonderful. I think it's amazing that there are people in the fandom that are such good friends that they actually hang out together in RL if given the opportunity. I don't know many other places that happens, actually.
Kristen: If you could change anything about the Twi-Series, what would it be and why?
Kassiah: The kiss. The kiss with Jacob while Edward was twenty feet away in the woods. It was OOC and if that were a ffic, I woulda stopped reading right then.
Kristen: I have to agree with you on that one. It just made Bella seem pretty wishy-washy.
Kassiah: And it made Edward seem like a pussy. I mean, she was like a total hosebeast for doing that and he just- let her.
Questions for Kassiah from around the fandom:
From antiaol:
1. You were a reader (and an excellent reviewer) for a long time before you decided to try your hand at writing. What made you want to cross that line?
Kassiah: Is this your way of telling me that I am no longer an excellent reviewer? I'm not. I used to be insightful and stuff, now not so much. I don't know what made me finally decide to take the plunge and write. I've had the idea for SIB since April but just started posting. I thought my idea for the crackfic contest I entered was too good to not enter, so I guess that's what made me finally just dew eet.
2. You *claim* to be a wussperv yet you write a story I can't even read. What the fuck?
Kassiah: I know. Trust, I know. There have been times when I have been writing SIB and actually saying out loud, 'Edward, please don't say that. You don't mean it." It's all so emo and honestly, I am too much of a wussperv to read it. The story just won't get outta my head, though, and I'm really hoping that once it's finished, I'll be able to move on to happy fluffy stuff, like OJ and lockersecks.
3. Honestly, how do you balance? I KNOW how hard it is to be heavily involved with a blog, write a fic and read...and yet I see you doing shit like having crafty days...how do you do it?
Kassiah: I don't know. I don't work outside of my home, thank rob, and most of the time every other aspect of my life, like laundry, is severely lacking. I never made my kids do stuff like fix their own sandwiches or clean their own rooms before this, so it's kinda shocking to them. I also practically never go anywhere, like ever. Hubs goes to the grocery store lol. I think everyone can tell when I am overwhelmed, like the dates on TwificNews are old (any volunteers to help?) and I am grumpy and stuff. I just try to plan it out so I get my shit done in time to do stuff I want to do, like be crafty or eat.
4. Do you have an outline for your story or are you just winging it?
Kassiah: haha, oh Betty, if you only knew. I have a detailed outline that is about 17K and an outline for my outline. My story is has lots of details and I am kinda scatterbrained. Not a good mix.
From Anonymous:
1. What inspired you to begin writing FanFic?
Kassiah: Seriously, I don't know. I mean, I had an idea for a story and I honestly just wish someone else would write it. No one volunteered, and the idea just won't get outta my head. So here I am.
2. Do you listen to music while you write?
Yes. I definitely listen to music while I am writing. In fact, if I get stuck, I just ping nicnicd and she provides me with plenty of emo music for me to get in the mood.
From MsKathy:
1. How can you write a Bella/James story when you hate anything other than Edward/Bella? No squirming out of that one, either - I want a real answer. Has writing Bella/James changed your perspective or ability to read non-canon pairings at all, now that you "get" that sometimes it is necessary for the plot and progression of the story/characters?
Kassiah: Geez, you don't play do you? First of all, my story isn't a Bella/James story. It's a Bella story. *giggle* Okay so since I would be in trouble for not answering this, I guess I'll try. I don't want to write a story in which Bella is with James, even if it's hot James (Cam) instead of fugly James. I want her fucking Edward, only Edward, all the time. Yes, I think that I do have a little bit better grasp on the non-canon pairings, IF it is a necessity to progress the plot or character development. While we are on the subject, i would like to clear up that I consider what Bella does and what Edward does to be separate issues. Even though I really, really hate it, I can handle Bella fucking someone else. Edward, on the other hand- I just can't. I mean, in SIB, Edward's been gone like four years and only had self-love. I'm that evil.
2. Most hated cliche?
Kassiah: People aren't going to like this answer, but I love the cliches. I mean, give me a stuck-up rich kid doucheward who's king of the school and on the prowl to win virginal Bella any day. I want the kisses in the rain, the weddings, the babies, the blushes, the lip biting. All of that.
3. Favorite junk food?
Kassiah: I love sour cream & onion pringles. Sadly, I am obsessed with Blue Bell Chocolate Moollennium Crunch ice cream. Where's Cheddah? I bet she wants some, too.
From Littlesecret84:
1. Why are you obsessed with OJ?
Kassiah: That is a long, drawn out story that people don't really care about. I will say that it isn't OJ per se. It's Edward, drinking it. I have a website for it now, I'm that obsessed.
2. Have you found the lockersex you're always searching for?
Kassiah: Nope, not yet. Namariel has promised it to me though, so I am veddy veddy hopeful.
3. Why do you think littlesecret84 is awesome?
Kassiah: Seriously? Kristen, there isn't enough time for me to explain all the reasons why I think she is awesome. She's my ficmistress, and I love her.
Kristen: Haha! She asked me if I'd referenced her tits yet, so I'm going to do that now. See, Ser? Your tits are accounted for!
4. What's your recipe for gumbo?
Kassiah: Come over, I'll show you. I don't have a recipe, chere.
This reminds me that she sent you questions too, Kristen. But I can't find them. So sorry. *blushes*
Kristen: That's okay, she's currently hiding out in my shower, I can just go ask her about them later.
From TwiSherry:
1. Why do you like the word "fuck" so much??
Kassiah: Oh, Sherry. Isn't that a song? I like the word fuck because it's so versatile. I mean, it's a verb: He fucked me until I couldn't see straight. It's a noun: You stupid fuck, what were you thinking?!? It's an adjective: He is so fucking hot. It's an interjection: Motherfuck! I'm a math person, so I'm not sure, but I think it's an adverb too: You are so mindfuckingly stupid. Gee, the homeschooling is really paying off. haha
2. If it wasn't OJ that Edward was drinking from the carton, what would you have rather it been??
Kassiah: *snicker* ask Moi. Whatever. I mean, really? Does it matter? His. lips. were. pressed. to. the. motherfucking. carton. and he was smirking.
From FloridaChickie:
When will #fishfry see the light of day?
Kassiah: bwhahaha I shoulda known she would ask that. I have an outline, but it'll be a few months. For sort of a prequel, you can read Faith as Small as a Mustard Seed. lol
Questions from around the fandom for both:
From antiaol: 1. Best use of characters in a fic?
Kassiah: This is a tough question. I love so many Edwards, so I can't pick one. I really love Bella in The Cannabean Betrothal. She's strong in her own way, and I love that. Let's see, even though I love Big Poppa Emmett, my favorite Emmett is probably in Deconstructing Dracula. Peter? Hands down (please), AccioBourbon's fuckhot Peter from part of her entries for the Twi25. mmmm. Of course, you know I gotta go with Ginsper. I don't hate the Rosalie in Exposure, so that's a plus for me. I like Alice in Mens Rea , she's not so much the let's-play-dress-up-and-you-do-what-I-say type, though I like it when she likes to shop.
Kristen: Jessica Stanley from "But Inside I'm Screaming" is one of the best b-list character renditions I've ever gotten to read. She is hysterical. I think that b-listers have so many possibilities, because you can really mold them into whatever you'd like. I really enjoy reading about them. I also really love sociopath Edward from "Emperors of Washington". Okay, maybe not "love" because that would imply something creepy, but he is seriously well written. I think it's an amazing twist on what obsession can be turned into. So many people are endeared to Edward's possessiveness in the Twilight series, and this is taken in the total opposite direction in "Emperors." It's like the author is lifting an eyebrow and asking her audience, "is this what you really want?" I think gallantcorkscrews is a fucking genius for that alone. I also love any fic where Bella has a backbone, so Ooohlalaah's "Seducing Edward" had me at hello. Nikki, where you at? Why did you leave me?
Kassiah: *nods* ikr? I miss that girl every fucking day.
2. Kill, Fuck, Marry: Canon Edward, A Life Extraordinary Edward, My Yes, My No Edward.
Kassiah: God, I agonized over this one. I mean, really, Bri? But I think i am going to have to kill MY, MN Edward *cringe*, fuck Canon Edward (he is, after all, the original panty-ripper) *blush*, and there was really no question about me wanting to marry ALE Edward *stares off dreamily*.
Kristen: I feel like I can't adequately answer this question, so I'm going to just leave it to Kassiah because she makes all the big decisions regarding Edward.
Kassiah: *squee*
PART TWO (from MsKathy): Kill, Fuck, Marry: Victoria/Tanya/Esme
Kristen: and MsKathy says you have to answer this, Kass! I would fuck Victoria because she looks like a tremendous lay. I mean, seriously. You just know that she'd be totally take charge in the bedroom, and that she would be into all kinds of great kinky stuff. Gimme some of that. Plus I just finished reading littlesecret84's threeway outshot from AoC and I had to start fanning myself. Her Victoria would own me. I would marry Esme, because I need someone who's going to make me eat a vegetable every once in awhile. Esme also has that really great Hot Mom thing going on, which I absolutely love. Imagine her in a frilly apron and fuck me heels! That just leaves Tanya, so I guess that means I'm going to have to kill her. Sorry about that, T. Nothing personal.
Kassiah: So I obviously need some clarification. If you Marry that person, you still get to have sex, right? I mean, it isn't like RL when you get married and your husband never touches you again. So by the same extension, I could theoretically marry someone and then--leave them, right? I do not have kiss, lick, or fuck that person, right? *scampers off to consult Moi*
Kristen: waits patiently while Kass searches for Moi
Kassiah: UGH. Okay, so Moi, the KFM rule queen, says you have to fuck the person you marry at least once. So *glares at MsKathy* I guess I will Kill Esme, Fuck Tanya, and Marry Skanktoria *retch*
Kristen: Is it wrong that I got such delight out of this question? I promise to hold your hair back for you while you barf, muffin.
Kassiah: Thanks, it has been really traumatic.
3. Wax or shave?
Kassiah: I shave, but I really want to wax. I am just too much of a wimp.
Kristen: Hah! I'm a wimp, too, but my laziness outweighs any pain. I'll gladly go get waxed (which I do, religiously) just so that I can go longer without having to do maintenance. I like cute underwear, so not doing anything isn't feasible.
Kassiah: So, since we started this interview, Bri recommended MagicCream, and I have to say that I really, really love it. really.
Kristen: I am so intrigued by this! I've been watching the tweets about this cream and contemplating it - it sounds pretty fucking "magical" - but I was nervous. Now that you have recommended it, though, Imma be all over it. Or I guess it'll be all over me?
Kassiah: Yes. Need some help with that?
4. Full on bush, landing strip or bare?
Kassiah: Bare. Seriously, I wish someone would have told me years ago what a difference it would make to hubs. Thanks ffic.
Kristen: No hair anywhere. I don't have time to deal with that nonsense. I've also found that people don't usually want to stick their face in your lady business when you've got a tropical jungle happening in your underpants, and I'm all about getting my lady business taken care of. Is that TMI?
Kassiah: Is there such a thing as TMI when you're BFFs like us? I mean, you do have my initial tattooed on your hip.
5. Who is your favorite Edward in a fic?
Kassiah: This one is so hard for me (that's what she said). I think ALE Edward is my favorite. I really find Museward swoonworthy too.
Kristen: My favorite Edward from a fic is TNR's Paunchward. OKAY. So I know he's not traditionally sexy, but brains and a beautiful mind do a whole lot for me. I don't care what gender you are, that's fucking hot. What I really want is someone to be able to talk to me about classic literature and wear a tweed jacket. Then we can have sex in an office on top of some research papers with the door closed. When anyone starts rapturizing the beauty of the English language like they're straight out of D.H. Lawrence or Nabokov, then I just want to bang the hell out of them. Paunchward equals Humbert Humbert, in all seriousness, and I re-read Lolita five times one summer. Now I'm just externalizing my irrational love of my American Genre Fiction professor, so I'll stop.
6. Have you read any real books that have enraptured you as much as Twilight?
Kassiah: I used to be obsessed with Harry Potter. like, obsessed. When I was little, I loved Charlotte's Web *shrugs*
Kristen: Oh God, now you're speaking my language. I am a lit junkie. It is my life. That's why I work in a library. It took me forever to read the twi-books, because I was a pretentious snot and just decided right off the bat that I was way too cool for them. Then I picked one up so I could head a book talk at the library and WHAM! I had to find out what happened next. I read them all in secret in my house with the lights off and the dust jackets hidden because I didn't want anyone to know my shameful secret. Look at me now! I'm such a tool. Oh yes, back to the question. I have a big thing for poetry. Aiken, Millay, Lawrence, Sexton, etc. When I read William Carlos Williams' Patterson, I cry like a little bitch. I love all old school Stephen King ("The Shining," "Pet Sematary," "The Stand") and some new school, too ("Bag of Bones"). Eugenides is my favorite modern author (if you've never read "The Virgin Suicides," then you haven't lived). I also love Philip Roth, Dostoevsky, Faulkner ("Light in August," good fucking Christ), Kafka ("the Metamorphosis" is unbelievable), and I once met Dorothy Allison and fangirled so hard I actually bawled like a total asshole. She is my idol. My signed copy of "Bastard out of Carolina" is displayed prominently in my home library. Flannery O'Connor makes me feel like an idiot who needs to go back to grammar school. Kate Chopin and "the Awakening" is life-changing, and I almost forgot Charlotte Perkins Gilman's "Yellow Wallpaper"! I could do this all day, and you're all rolling your eyes at me by now, so I'm going to stop. Promise.
Kassiah: Do you see how much I suck? Delete my answer above. "Charlotte's Web" my ass.
Kristen: Oh please - that's obviously just proof that I'm a dick. ILY and "Charlotte's Web" fucking rules, dude.
7. If you never had to read one thing again in the history of fandom, what would it be?
Kassiah: deep breath. It's a toss up. Edward's tongue anywhere on anyone other than Bella. ~or~ Rosaward. ew, just...no. It makes me physically ill to think about it.
Kristen: I don't want to ever read about any kind of child abuse. I don't want to see any kind of fic where someone is being abused for the sake of "entertainment" - there's already enough of that shit actually happening in the world. I refuse to sit around and read about it for fun.
Kassiah: God, Kristen, you are so fucking awesome. Talking about abuse and stuff and I am all worried about Edward's tongue. I feel silly now.
Kristen: HAH! The only reason that I even remembered to get up on my soapbox was because that someone was writing about it on twitter while I was mid-interview question - otherwise I probably would have said something like, "Oh, I hate Pixie Alice," or something like that.
Kassiah: Thank you for making my superficial ass feel better. ♥
8. For Bella in a fic, how many sexual partners is too many? And for Edward? And how about in real life (male & female)?
Kristen: When reading fic, I like to apply my real-life principles to the characters. If some douchebag came up to me and said that it was cool for a guy to sleep with a bunch of people, but girls can't do that because it would make them look slutty, then I would punch said douchebag in the fricking crotch. For me, the only thing that's important regarding the sex life of characters is that it be fulfilling for them. I don't want to read about Bella going around sleeping with people because she's insecure and uses sex as a way to boost her morale. That sucks. If she's sleeping with a bunch of people because she's confident and happy with herself and her body, then I say more power to her. Your body is exactly that - YOURS. The same goes for Edward.
Kassiah: Wow, K, that was a great answer. Hmmm, I don't even know what to say. I mean, theoretically, I don't want Edward with anyone else. But I don't want him to be a bumbling virgin either. So, idk. Same for Bella, but not as much. As far as in RL, I can't really put a number on it.
9. Hottest place you've ever gotten freaky?
Kristen: Sex in the stacks is epic. I would recommend it to anybody - as long as you're not in my library, because I'll just have to kick you out.
Kassiah: Really? You would really kick out, say, me for gettin' it on in your lieberry?
Kristen: Of course not! You get a free pass, and I'll also lend you my bookcart.
Kassiah: Thanks, you are so sweet to me. I got it on at the zoo once, but it wasn't nearly as hot as Deconstructing Dracula made it out to be.
10. What's your view on le buttsecks? (in fic and in RL)
Kassiah: In fic, I love it. I mean, it's hot and just- have you read ALE? In RL, you know, I am sure it's fab, but I don't think I could do it.
Kristen: This is an interesting question. I will agree wholeheartedly with Kass. Sometimes in fic it's incredibly, epically hot. Do I think that it's always super sexy? No, but sometimes neither is regular intercourse. Whatever floats your boat, that's what I always say. Or I would always say that if I was someone's Grandma, but I'm not, so I definitely don't use outdated cliché phrases like that. Nope. Not ever.
11. What's better for you - receiving oral sex or having intercourse?Kassiah: Oral sex. I mean, I like the smexing as much as the next girl, but...yeah.
Kristen: Heh. I could get into detailed reasoning right now about why I prefer oral, but I'll try to keep it classy and just quietly whistle a jaunty little tune to myself over in the corner. *whistles*
12. What's your view on toys? Not legos, either...
Kassiah: I really want to try them.
Kristen: I'm a toy fiend. I own too many. I'll be like, "what's this thing? Oh yeah, it's a weird sex toy I bought that time and never used." I obviously need to send some to you, Kass. I think everyone should try them out at least once.
Kassiah: *Scribbles down address and covertly passes it to Kristen.*
13. If you enjoy them, does your hubs/SO know? If so, what are their thoughts?
Kristen: Oh yes, we both enjoy them, singularly and together. What's not to like about them? They enhance the enjoyment for everyone involved.
Kassiah: I think hubs would be mortified, I mean, his favorite show is FoxNews. I don't care, though, maybe I'll buy myself something for Christmas.
Kristen: My heart is so happy to hear you say this. So happy!
Anonymous1 wants to know how do we feel about censorship in fanfiction:Kristen: Great question! I would have to ask what it's geared toward specifically, though. I deal a lot with censorship in my job, because I work at a library. We get lots of questions/complaints from people and what they view as "appropriate" reading material. It spans from people wanting porn blocked on the internet computers to mothers wanting certain teen books expunged because they find the content too "racy" for their youngsters. Yes, I just used the word "youngsters." While I am very anti-censorship, there are just certain things that I don't feel comfortable with. I think that's the case with everyone, though. No single person is going to be a-okay with every kind of content out there. If content specifically sets out with an intent to injure another party (and that is its sole purpose), then I have a hard time justifying why it should be available, because it crosses a line. However, because it's my job to keep information open to the public, it's very hard for me to sit down and pinpoint where that proverbial "line" is going to be drawn. Because fanfiction is based off of another person's work, then this line gets even harder to determine. I'm not sure I actually answered this question at all, but I really did try. Oh well.
Kassiah: I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, I am absolutely against reading something that involves the rape of a child, for example. But would I say that can't be made available? I don't know, it's a fine line to walk. So yeah, I don't know either. I definitely think that authors should be required to label their fics if it contains questionable material, even if it would ruin their plot to do so.
Questions from the Twinklings Community:
1. When did you first start writing fanfiction? What got you interested?
Kristen: I started writing real fanfiction in the BtVS community around 2003, because I was obsessed to an unhealthy degree with that show since the very beginning. Whedon is my homeboy, and you can quote me on that (or print it on a t-shirt, whatevs), and I really did love the whole Buffy/Spike dynamic. So I wrote about it. I took a few years off and then got obsessed all over again with the Twi-Fandom. I started off editing other people's fiction, but then I just decided to dive right in and start writing again. Now I sometimes forget to eat dinner. I need to prioritize, I think.
Kassiah: I just started posting about a month ago. I've had the idea for the story since like April, though. I really wasn't interested in writing it. I just have a story idea that I wish someone else would write.
2. Do you still remember the first Twific you read?
Kassiah: I do. It was Isle Esme by Vixen1836. I highly recommend it. And obviously, it changed my life.
Kristen: The first Twific I ever read was Frenemies, and it cracked me up. There was just something about reading about math and sex and a strong female lead that just really sold me on the whole twific phenomenon. I have to be honest, I might not have kept reading if it weren't for that fic. It was so funny and relatable that it opened me up to all kinds of other stories in the fandom.
Kassiah: You do know that I used to be a Calculus teacher, right? Does that make me seem, idk, hotter somehow?
Kristen: *SWOONS* Yes.
3. Do you prefer to read canon or non-canon?
Kassiah: This question always confuses me. If you mean do I prefer Edward as a vampire and Bella as a human and both of them in character, then I prefer non-canon. As far as shipping goes, I only care about Edward and Bella, for the most part. Want to pair up, idk, Rosalie and Jacob? I don't care. I also seem to prefer AH stories. So I don't even know if I answered that. haha
Kristen: I guess I have to say that I only prefer some characteristics of canon. There are some that I really don't like at all. For example, I hate weak, wimpy, trod-upon Bella. That is essentially Canon Bella - and anyone who's gone to see New Moon within the past month can agree with me on that one. Any girl that sits alone in her room for three months like a total zombie because she can't exist on her own has got some serious problems. I enjoy the fact that Canon Edward is so dedicated, but I hate that he decides to take over for Bella at times and manage her life for her. So... I guess I'm saying I prefer non-canon? I'm not sure.
4. Edward or RPattz?
Kristen: Soulful, dedicated lover or frazzled, freaked out actor? I'll take the dream over the reality any day of the week.
Kassiah: Amen sista.
5. If you had to be stuck on an island for the rest of your days, what book would you take with you?
Kristen: Just one book?! Do you people hate me? Okay, okay... if I had to choose just one (grumble), then I'd probably take my Norton's Anthology of English Literature. That thing is massive and chock full of all kinds of great stuff. Hopefully it would keep me occupied for at least a week.
Kassiah: Can I just take you with me? Then you could tell me stories?
Kristen: Of course! It would be my pleasure. I've been told that I have an excellent reading voice. Of course, this is coming from the mouths of screaming children at Storytime in the library, so who knows.
From TwiSherry:
1. What pairing do you have the hardest time reading?
Kristen: I have a hard time reading Jasper/Bella sometimes, just because I've always seen him as more of a brother figure and that smacks of weirdness for me. I'm more than willing to try anything, however. I've read some J/B where the pairing is great and the author makes it seamless and wonderful. If you're a good enough writer, you could probably sell me on any pairing.
Kassiah: I don't want to read any pairing that isn't E/B, really. I think Esme and Edward would be too wrong to read.
2. What is something about yourself that would surprise those who know you in the fandom?
Kristen: Sometimes I think I'm a little too out there about myself. Probably you all know my best dirty little secrets by now, because I've drunkenly revealed them on twitter after too many WASPy white wine spritzers. Something that might surprise everyone but MsKathy and Spargelkun is that I'm terrified of dinosaurs. Seriously. I both love them and fear them. I had a traumatic experience with Jurassic Park that I'd rather not discuss, and it scarred me for life. Now if I even flip past a dinosaur movie on TV I'll have nightmares for a week. Isn't it nuts that I can watch all kinds of gross-out freaky horror shizz, but I cry like a baby over velociraptors? Oooh, even writing that squicked me out. Dinosaurs, why you so fierce?
Kassiah: IDK, I'm pretty boring.
3. What is your biggest pet peeve in real life?
Kristen: At the moment, my biggest pet peeve is people in the Library who drink all my coffee and then don't refill the pot. Hello?? How hard is it to make a fresh pot of coffee! I don't have a ton of pet peeves, actually, because I'm a pretty laid back person. Usually I'm just sitting around making fun of myself. I'm that douchebag who's perpetually late, who forgets to turn off the lights or pick up milk when I say that I'm going to, who giggles like a maniac whenever people fall down and hurt themselves. I'm the one making people aggravated, I guess. Is it bad that I'm laughing right now?
Kassiah: My biggest pet peeve is when I give someone a list of things to do and they come to me and ask me eleventy billion times what they need to do. I mean, robdamn. You have a mofo list, color coded and with page numbers and everything. In case you didn't know, I'm talking about my kids.
4. What is your biggest pet peeve in FF?
Kristen: I think people are too hard on each other. I'll leave it at that.
Kassiah: Drama. It irks me.
5. What in FF always makes you tingle in all the right places whenever you read it?
Kristen: If someone can write something so poignant that it gives me an ache in my chest, then I want to kiss their fic through the computer screen. It's so seldom that you get that feeling. I would compare it to hearing the best note of a really great song. It just presses a button inside of you that makes you feel like laughing and crying all at the same time. Um, did I just admit that I read fic and cry? Haha, NO! I'm way too cool for that. *covertly wipes tears, thinking about tender moments*
Kassiah: *passes tissue to Kristen* okay, let's have a drink shall we? I think we are being too emo. Lookey there, it's Jackson. Time for us to bust out with our breakdance, you ready, girl?
Kristen: I am the best dancer of all time. OF ALL TIME.
Kassiah: I know, right? Let's get back to the questions.
Standard Perv Pack Questions:
Do you have any tattoos?
Kassiah: Nope. I am so boring.
Kristen: I have one tiny tattoo. It's a lowercase "k" on my hipbone. It is literally the size of a dime, it's so fucking tiny. This is what happens when you're out drinking downtown and one of your bonehead friends says, "hey guys, let's all get tattoos!" Then you say, "that sounds like something I'd usually say no to, but I'm fucking wasted and now it's sounding like a great idea! Let's do it! Fuck yeah!" Then you wake up the next day and say, "what the hell is on my freaking hip? Did I get bitten by a wolverine last night?" To make an incredibly long story just a little bit shorter, there are a million other kickass tattoos that I wish I had - but I just have one stupid measly lowercase k that will remind me of my poor decision making skills for the rest of my life.
Kassiah: I think that K could stand for me. js.
Kristen: Well, this is embarrassing, but it actually does. I passed out in a whiskey coma before they could finish scrawling, "kassiah, love of my life"
What is your favorite sexual position?
Kristen: This is like choosing which kid I'm going to save with one of my kidneys. I'm a big fan of reverse cowgirl. Now I feel like I should broaden everyone's repertoire here by throwing in some cool stuff that no one has ever heard of. What if I just made something up right now and pretended it was real?
Kassiah: I think I like every sexual position. Really. I guess I like cowgirl the best.
Favorite ff ever?
Kassiah: Gee, what to answer, haha. I think I have always maintained that my favorite ffic ever is Scotch, Gin, & the New Girl. I love LOTS of fics, but that just has everything I want and more. You should read it, really.
Kristen: I changed my mind, THIS is like asking which child to save. It changes around sporadically. I started reading fanfic several years ago in the BtVS community, and I think my favorite fic ever is NautiBitz "In Heat"- but because I must choose something that doesn't have people scratching their heads and saying, "what the fuck is she babbling about now?" I will narrow it down to a few. I really loved "Wide Awake" and "Cascade and Cyanide" (which both made me cry) and "Frenemies" made me laugh until I nearly pissed myself. My current incomplete favorite is "Times New Roman." I wish I could marry KathyRindhoops and have her tiny genius babies. I won her FGB auction and did a little jig around the library. True story. I also love "Lost Boys," just for its general wordy awesomeness. I could do this all day. Fangirl, table for one.
Kassiah: Try table for two. I didn't know we could list more than one here, K. So I would have to agree with you on The Lost Boys. My god, that is so hot. Currently, I am super obsessed with The Cannabean Betrothal. ungh.
Hardest part about writing ff?
Kristen: Realizing that there is only so much time budgeted for each day, and that I need to remember to do things like eat/bathe/sleep and not just keep writing. For me, it's really therapeutic and it's pretty fucking fun. It's an outlet for me to express all the deranged junk that I have floating around in my head. Zombie has been especially good for that, but it's also started eating up gigantic portions of time. Writing two multi-chaptered fics at the same time will do that to a person, I guess. All of a sudden I'll look up and realize that I did approximately zero amount of work and that now the children at Storytime will have no craft. Then I feel like an asshole. Budgeting my time: I'm doing it wrong. That reminds me, I want to write a one-shot for that holiday contest. See what I mean?
Kassiah: I feel so underqualified to answer this. To me, the hardest part about writing is writing. I have the story idea, I know what's supposed to happen and when. Making that not come out like utter rubbish is really tough for me.
Do people in RL know you do it?
Kassiah: Yes, because I was too stupid to realize that twific was going to take over my life. I wish now that nobody knew so I would seem slightly less insane.
Kristen: No one in my RL world knows that I do it (which is a miracle, because it's not like I'm really hiding it all that well - my penname isn't really all that subtle). I mean, it's possible that they could know, but the amount of shit they'd have given me would have been epic. It would have started instantaneously. My lit friends would probably have a field day and I'd probably die from the amount of shame they would heap upon me. This question is making me paranoid. Now I'm looking over my shoulder to make sure no one is trying to look at what I'm typing. There's nothing to see here, sir, PLEASE MOVE ALONG.
If I looked under your bed right now what would I find?
Kassiah: Dust?
Kristen: I'm going to just go ahead and assume we're talking about sex toys here, and I'll open up the vault and tell you that I have too many to pick a true favorite. Well, I guess that's kind of a lie. My real favorite would most likely be the Feeldoe. It was created by the devil, because when it is in use I lose all ability to leave a bedroom for hours at a time. It's a true time-suck. If you don't know what the Feeldoe is, guess what? You can google it! Heh. See what I did there?
Kassiah: Yeah, um, I just ah. I looked it up.
Kristen: Oh God, I scarred Kass for life now by talking about my sex toy addiction. :(
Kassiah: No you didn't. It makes me love you even more.
Do you currently have more than 1 sex partner?
Kassiah: Nope, just the one.
Kristen: I just have one partner, and she would cut off my metaphorical balls if I attempted to sex up any other partners. You might be laughing at that visual, but mostly I'm just cupping my crotch and wincing in terror.
Kassiah: hehe, you said balls.
Kristen: Haha, balls. We're both thirteen-year-old boys!
Kassiah: And on that note, I think we should wrap it up and hold hands and skip down the sidewalk on the way outta here. Thanks for letting me interview you, sweetness!
Kristen: It was my pleasure, Kass. We've got to get together more often.
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5 comments:
I haven't laughed so hard in a really long time.
What an honor to get to know both of you so much better, and I thought I knew you both pretty well.
Thank you for participating in this for the Perv Pack.
oh how i loved this interview!! thanks for sharing, ladies!
I want to lick you both. js =)
*grin* we want you to lick us Sweet. We'll at least I do.
Thanks PPSS for having us. It was fun.
LOVED the interview...and Yeah I googled the Feeldoe...I'll admit it.
*I may also have ordered it...so???* LOL LOL
Great Interview!
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