Saturday, December 5, 2009

The Nitty Gritty on a Bare Kitty

Let me start by saying that I'm not a medical professional. I've never given a wax nor do I know wtf it takes to give one to someone. I am just an idiot who likes a bare kitty. What you read below is simply my opinion on the three methods and in no way should be considered the bible for hoo-ha hair removal.

Length of smoothness: 4-5 days
Cost: $60-80
Time constraint: About 45 minutes, depending on your waxer

The Process: It really depends on how much or how little you want removed, but for our purposes, we're going to go with the whole shebang - The Brazillian. When you go in to your friendly neighborhood spa for a Brazillian, they get all the hair everywhere - yes, really everywhere. Front to back and everywhere in between. I've been to three different people and they each had their way of allowing me to get prepped for them to be all up in my bidness. The first left the room and gave me these ridiculous little disposable underwear to put on (and by underwear, I mean a huge rubberband holding up a strip of fabric), the second left the room so I could undress and gave me the option for the previously mentioned ridiculous underwear (though I declined that time), and the third just turned around and got her wax station set up while she let me strip and hop on the bed/table/doohickey.

Once you're up on the table, spread eagle for all the world to see, the wonderful person (or hopefully wonderful) you've put your cooter in the hands of slathers on hot wax and rips it off with strips of cloth. Does it hurt? You bet your ass it does. Surely you didn't think kittens just came in and licked the wax and hair off, did you? Obviously it's not too terribly bad, though, otherwise estheticians would be out of a job and a lot more women would be super hairy. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being a papercut and 10 being childbirth, I would say that waxing the kitty is probably a 4-6, depending on your waxer and how sensitive your skin is.

When they wax, they get (or should get) everything. From the start of hair above your pubic bone, all the way to your ass (yes, your ass), you should be as bare as the day you were born. It helps if you just give it a once over while you're still there to make sure she got everything. Once she's done waxing, she'll also grab a tweezers and go to town getting all the strays. Yes, this hurts almost worse than the waxing itself, but it's necessary to get the smoothness.

The Pros: If your esthetician does a good job, you are super smooth and I'm not gonna lie - it feels amazing. Sex really is better with absolutely no hair in the way and the fact that hubs has a hard time keeping his hands off is just an added bonus. The hair also grows back thinner and softer. No itchy cooter when it does.

The Cons: Obviously, the pain is a major con for this route. Besides that, you're looking at spending anywhere from $60-80 every 4-6 weeks. You also do get wax all over and it's virtually impossible for them to get it all (or at least, I had yet to go home wax free), so it's messy. In the beginning when you first start waxing, the length of time that you are completely smooth is really very short in comparison to the pain and the money spent, as well as the length of time needed between waxing. My esthetician said that I wouldn't see a large span of time for smoothness until I had been doing it for years - not just months. I generally had two days (one of which I was too tender to do any sort curricular activity) of complete smoothness, then two days of red bumps from irritation covering the hoo-ha, and then the regrowth would start.

On the scarier side of things, unless you have a referral from a trusted friend, it's a crapshoot on how to pick an esthetician. Why have I been to three different people? The first left me covered in wax and hair. And the second burned me - yes, I had actual 1st degree burns on my cooter. I finally found someone satisfactory with #3. This isn't a joke, ppl. Know who's in yer lady business.

Questions from the fandom:
How long does it last? It changes the longer you go, but I'd been going for six months and I was only smooth for 4-5 days.

I want to know about the first do I prepare? Should I prep or trim or anything? My esthetician said that she would trim if necessary, but if you've never shaved before and are working with a full on 70s bush, yeah, I'd trim. If you keep it pretty tame, it just needs to be about the length of a grain of rice.

Is there a better time of the month to right before your period or right after? Lower tolerance for pain? I always went right after my period, figuring the majority of hair growth would happen while Aunt Flo was visiting. You aren't supposed to go right before or during your period because you're more sensitive during that time.

Should medicine be taken beforehand? If so, suggestions? Yep, taking advil or tylenol helps ease the discomfort, though just slightly. :)

Can you experience it right away, or is there a certain period you have to wait or are suggested to wait before you have sex? You can probably have sex whenever you want after it, but I was always too tender to even think about anything pounding away in there. That doesn't mean you can have your hubs get in some licks, though. *wink* I was always fine the next day, though.

What kind of questions do you ask to the person you're planning on going to, to know that they know what they're doing? I don't really have much other than "How long have you been doing this for?" and maybe "How many per day do you do?" You want someone experienced - not just in years doing it, but in actual numbers of cooters waxed - when they're down in your business.

Length of smoothness: about a day
Cost: Less than 5 bucks
Time Constraint: About 5 minutes, depending on how fast you are

The Process: I think this is pretty straightforward. Lather the kitty up with some good shave cream and go to town. I actually found Noxema Bikini Shavers at Target that I used for the lips and the smaller areas of my lady bits, and then used my standard razor for the main areas. The first time I shaved, I shaved against the direction of hair growth, attempting to get a completely smooth shave. I stopped that immediately when my hoo-ha erupted in irritated red bumps and ingrown hairs. From then on, I could only shave with the direction of hair growth, thus not resulting in a completely smooth kitty.

The Pros:
It's obviously the quickest to go this route and probably the cheapest. You can do it yourself whenever the need arises and can even enlist your significant other to help. *wiggles eyebrows*

The Cons
: Two words: Razor burn. Shit hurts and it doesn't look pretty, either. I was also so, so itchy with the regrowth. Besides that, I was never, ever completely smooth - even when I shaved against the hair growth, I never got as smooth as I did with waxing.

Magic Cream Hair Removal
Length of smoothness: about 2 days
Cost: Less than 5 bucks
Time Constraint: About 10 minutes, including applying and set time

The Process: This works basically like Nair does, you lather on the white cream and let it set for a specified amount of time before you remove with a washcloth or other item of your choice. I used this all over - up, down, around, inside the lips, etc - and had smooth results. Obviously you don't want this to go inside your body, but everything else is game. I also found that using a bit more than you'd think would be needed helped, as did leaving it on for the maximum time (9 minutes) to get the hair off easily.

The Pros:
It's easy, it's painless and it's cheap. It gives a smooth kitty - not *quite* as smooth as with waxing, but pretty damn close. I'm also certain that once I perfect the application of the cream, I can get the more dense and coarse hairs completely off, resulting in a wax-like smoothness. There's also no bumps, no irritation, no ingrown hairs, and no itchy regrowth.

The Cons
: It's sort of a pain to do - I stood around half naked in my bathroom with one leg up on the toilet seat while I waited for the nine minutes to be up. The day of the removal, the kitty was slightly irritated - not bumps but just a sort of dull burn in the area. Though it says on the tube that it has a "clean scent" they are obviously lying bastards or have never smelled it. It smells basically like Nair does - with a slightly less potent odor. Also - fyi - don't pee immediately after you use it. Shit stings.

Questions from the fandom:
How close to the promised land can I get? Everywhere. On the lips, inside the lips, on top of the pubic bone, down in between your thighs, everywhere. As long as it stays outside of your body, you're good.

How long do you need to wait in between uses? It says on the bottle to allow 24 hours between use, so you could probably use it daily, if you wanted. I, however, used mine about a week apart.

Where can you get this? I found mine at Target, but I know they also sell it at Walgreens and probably that awful store known as Wal-mart. I got mine in the shaving aisle with the razors, shave cream and nair products.

We all know your husband dines regularly at the Pink Taco Cafe ... Which is HIS preferred hair removal method? Has he noticed any changes (good or bad) with each method? Any taste/smell changes? Mr. Bri: I prefer the waxing from a smoothness standpoint. I think the skin and hair are both softer that route. However, I like that you can get smooth whenever you want with the Magic Cream.

Mr. Bri on changes: With the magic cream there were no bumps like you get with waxing. The waxing does leave you softer and smoother, if only for a short amount of time. Shaving sucks ass.

Mr. Bri on taste/smell: Nope, it all tasted good. (yes, he really did say that)

Overall Review:
All in all, I think I'm a Magic Cream convert. After doing waxing for five cycles (for the last six months or so), I was growing frustrated with the short time that I was completely smooth. It also was really sucking my bank account every month that I had to dish out $70 for a trip to the spa.

I like the price tag associated with the Magic Cream. It's also a nice compromise between the time required for shaving and that of waxing. You get a pretty smooth kitty with zero pain (just slight irritation) at a price that is good for anyone's pocketbook.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for all the info and thank Mr. Bri for all his hard work too. ;) Going to try Magic Cream.

profmom said...

My waxing experience was so horrific, I cannot imagine ever trying it again. Kudos to those who can handle it.

JCullen_81 said...

Hmm.... think I am going to Target to get some magic cream. Thanks for the tips.

adt216 said...

I am right behind you. In fact, hubby at Target now, I am sure he would be happy to pick me up some magic cream!

Gina said...

AWESOME info! I have been using the Magic Cream since the discussion on Twitter and have really liked it. I am thankful for your info on waxing... as I have never had the balls to do it. hahaha ok. anyway....
And totally agree with the shaving crap. That was all I was doing before and it hardly seemed worth it.
Thank you Bri!! ;)

theharlequin said...

Hmmmm.....I may be picking up some magic cream after work today...sounds waaaay better than shaving.
Thank you for taking the time to do this! And tell Mr. Bri we said thanks for all the hard work he put into his research ; )

Lysistrata said...

Thanks for this info. I've been getting waxes for about 6 months myself and I personally love it. It's actually much cheaper in my neck of the woods(about $35), and my esthetician can usually get me in and out in about 25 minutes. However, she does touch-ups a week later and doesn't use the tweezers, which I'm quite grateful for. The pain for me is only really bad in certain places. The worst is the strip directly in the center of my pelvis, but I've been told that's true for most. Also, for those freaking about your ass getting waxed: it's usually the least painful.

MsNinnie said...

Very informative...thanks so much...this was something I was very curious about and now know that I'm MOS'DEF going to get some Magic Cream. There's nothing worse than nicking your PePa right before "it"...& not to mention itchy snatch.

My only question is about corseness of would be nice to get some feedback from those with SRSLY thick locks. This stuff is formulated for Black Males...speak to us those of you who have a black male between your it work?

SEH said...

i am all waxing all the way. it only costs like £30ish so it's not too bad and my aesthetician is fantastic and thorough. the strip of hair vertical across my pelvic bone and the bit around my hood are the most painful. i find it lasts for 6-10 days and is worth it for the boyfriend's reaction. plus i feel much sexier.

taking lots of drugs always helps. in the UK codeine is OTC so just pop 100mg or so and you're good to go

Anonymous said...

For those of you considering waxing, I've been doing it for about five months now, and I'm usually a total wuss when it comes to pain. My salon sells this stuff they call No Scream Cream and it's fabulous. You pop two Advil and slather this stuff on about half an hour before your appointment. It's like the numbs-it stuff you'd put on your teeth, works like a charm. The only drawback is if hubs tries to take advantage of you post-wax, he'll go a little numb as well.


Subtle Pen said...

i'd try the cream long before i'd ever wax. had a friend at work who ended up in the ER after a waxer nearly ripped an inner lip off. had to have surgery. no lie. i'm too self conscious (i'm a big girl) to be displayin the hoo ha for anyone without a wedding ring or an MD. just sayin.

i'd try the cream. hubs and i have mutual trimming parties with his beard trimmer every couple of months tho, which are kinda fun... :D

Evilangel said...

Thanks so much! I really wanted to start going hairless but I'm to scared to get waxed so it seems that the cream is the right choice for me. I do have a question as to the best brand of cream. Is it the magic cream you linked or should I try a different brand?

mistresselektra said...

This was an excellent commentary on hair removal down there. I wish you had tried lazer hair removal. That shit hurts like a mofo, much worse than waxing, trust me.

Team_Sparkle said...

Thanks for the work on this topic...I always wondered what would be better. I am a shaver but I think I will try the Magic Cream:)

Kassiah said...

Yeah this is awkward for me, but here's my contribution to the fandom. MsNinnie asked about courseness of hair. I have very thick, course hair and magic cream works. Like completely.

I highly recommend it. I wish I had found this shit a looooong time ago. js.

stinkytyphoon said...

I got my first wax ever in October. I went all out with the Brazilian. I was getting tired of trimming with the buzz clippers (luckily not the ones my husband uses on his head), and the irritation factor was really starting to get to me. I googled some for spa reviews and set up an appointment. The chick was nice, but I needed to talk more to distract me from the pain. And as a woman who's had natural childbirth, the waxing was almost worse (pushing was the hardest part). I'd give it an 8. I don't have a very high pain tolerance, and plucking my eyebrows still hurts. I think I stayed smooth for a week, but the skin irritation lasted almost as long. Fortunately all the irritation was concentrated on the hair over my pubic bone, so sex wasn't a problem the same night after waxing. I would try the magic cream, but I've never had luck with Nair on my legs, so I have doubts it would work on my kitty. I'll take it into consideration though to save some money. Thanks for this.

bellamarie117 said...

I went to Target tonight and was looking for the Magic Cream stuff. I found this lotion for either mens beards or heads and then these two tiny paper/aluminum looking canister things...which is the stuff everyone's been talking about? I'm really interested in testing it out but want to make sure I'm using the right stuff.

THANKS for the info!

twilightobession said...

WOW!!! Thanks for all the information. I have been thinking about getting waxed, I think I am going to try the Magic Cream stuff first. Right now, I have shaved and then as the hairs start coming back slowly I am been plucking them. Yes, you read right. Tweezing them. Some hurt and some don't. I will try the cream now. Thanks again.


trish said...

I am a bare kitty lover, too...and have been waxing now for the last year. I love the place that does my wasing (Urban Nirvana)..its virtually a walk in the park! I know that some peeps have had bad experiences, but that has not been my case. But I did want to tell you about another method that you didn't touch on...Laser hair removal. I had my 1st treatment and it wasn't too bad. The cost is more expensive, but permanent...My first treatment was $150.00 and it ususall takes about 6 treatments...Its smoothness lasts about a week and you have to go back about every 4-6 weeks to get the full effects...just wanted to pass the word on....

ordinary_girl said...

this was such a good idea. going out tomorrow to buy me some magic cream lol. I'm too afraid to ever do waxing...shaving was ok on the lip areas but god damn razor burn on the pubic bone area. Not to mention itching...thanks so much for the advice.

science-of-flight said...

I loved this post, the ladies and I have discussed these options at great lengths. I found it both funny and informative. My husband was laughing and loving it. We are both fans of the hairless kitty. Kitty maintenance is an important and often overlooked topic. So thank you for bringing it to everyone's attention. In the words of my husband, the only place you should rock a "throwback" is on a jersey.

Anonymous said...

I've been a shaver and occasional waxer, and I may have to give this Magic Cream a try!

Of course, for you diehard shavers, I would suggest getting some Coochy cream from your neighborhood Pure Romance consultant. NO BUMPS!

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking laser hair removal is the way to go. I've been told 3 - 6 treatments, then it's permanent! Can't decide on brazilian or bikini. Anyone have a good recommendation for Northern New Jersey?

Annette said...

This is really informative! I have not tried waxing before (too scared to do it) but I have tried epilating them experimentally. Good god, does it HURT! There was blood, even. Gross. I did think about depilatory creams but the boxes always warned about not putting it near your hoohah and I'm surprised to see your recommendation!

Unfortunately none of the online sites (except carries the silver tin one and ship internationally. I had to compromise with the one on, and it's cream tube version. Should work as well, right?

Anyway, thank you so much for this informative post. It's certainly helpful!

Vegan CoEd said...

So, based on your recommendations, I gave the magic cream a shot... last time I used it I was 15 and it wasn't pretty (22 now). I followed the directions a little more closely this time, and it came out wonderfully smooth, and soft. There's a touch of stubble, but not too much. I used some fragrance free lotion (Aveno) afterwards to soothe, and I love it, legs and kitty.

PS, Veet for sensitive skin was the ticket, min time 5 minutes, max 10, and it came with a little pink spatula to scrape the hair off good. Came in a litte pump bottle, looked like the best value for your money, I'm thinking it will last me a while. Permanent convert to the Veet!

a touch wild said...

I tried the Magic Cream - in a cream colored tube, not the powder - and it was AWESOME! I am sure I will perfect the technique, but a thick covering got it quite well. I have coarse hair as well and have trimmed and shaved in the past - and I am LOVING this.


jadesabre75 said...

Wow! This stuff rocks! Thank you so much for being the guinea pig for this.